June 27th 2009….a few thoughts for today

I met a woman yesterday at a bakery….her daughter…..is starting kindergarten and like all children her age is very excited….about learning….making new friends….and the idea of school….this little girl though has Cerebal Palsy…she is confined to a wheel chair….and is not like any of the other children in her kindergarten class….when her mother told me this…my first inclination was to feel deep sorrow for the little girl as well as for her …… but her mother then told me how her daughter has made her a better person by her situation…..a different person….
I left our conversation thinking…what if that were the only task that little girl had to do in life….was to change one person….make them different….I began to think about myself…and my task here….would it ever be revealed…or would I ever know what it was….I was supposed to do….I panicked a bit…thinking I’m 52 “Purpose” really needs to show its face for me to do it…..or at least get started on it….I mean…my god….I only have 40 years left at best…so let’s get on the good foot….see what I have to do….
I can’t say I live my life thinking there is a defined path for me…I feel what I have done in life…has been a combination of choice and destiny….at some level…but well below the blood and guts….is what I want to know…what is my purpose…and if I knew it empirically would I try to change it or readily accept the responsibility……and do just that…my purpose…..perhaps I am currently on track…or so far away from it it is but a speck on the….horizon…either way….
I do know when everything feels right….there is love in my heart…. my life….joy surrounding me…and I am able to laugh more than usual…..I feel that is the result of being on track….maybe I will never know what it is I am here for….and maybe knowing would blow the whole deal….and cause me to do something completely different like work in a carnival or perhaps be one of those guys that tosses pizza dough for a living…..
So I’m okay with not knowing…anything more than I do…with the exception of this Sundays lottery numbers….maybe that’s my purpose…..hmmm……..I’ll guess people’s weight at the Mid-Way………..yes!!!
 

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2 thoughts on “June 27th 2009….a few thoughts for today

  1. I like “I’m okay with not knowing…anything more than I do”. I understand. And anyways, when a person gets to a new state of mind, a different perspective, is changed, then there’s always a new set of problems to sort out. Seems that way to me. I am thinking what if what we are mostly supposed to do is to simply wake up here on Earth? To be alert and aware? I haven’t done much lately, except for being in the moment. No planning the next whatever, for the most part. I’m noticing how quiet the world actually is and how much space there is around everything and everyone.
    P.S. I would LOVE to watch you guess weights @ the Mid-Way.

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  2. I know I have spent years trying to figure out what it is I am “meant” to do. I really enjoyed being a nurse, was darn good at it.. and I know that I helped people. And yet, it was so liberation to change “careers” so to speak a few years ago.
    I love being able to do my photography and jewelry…
    I think Carmela is right in that.. maybe we are just meant to be “here”… as in PRESENT. as in aware. Enjoying and APPRECIATiNG…. FEELING. loving.
    does that make sense ?

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