Saturday…September 26th…More Noise From the High Desert

condemed

“From the Condemned” 2009

I’m not really certain…how I got to be where I am at…on many different levels…I woke up one day…and here I was….I do realize that either all of my poor planning…or my very precise planning helped pave the way for my arrival at this juncture…I’d like to think it was a combination of both….that dropped me here…in a rather existential way….with more to become…than know….just give me the tools…let me be…and see if the red ant hill will crown me king or dismember me…as an invader…from the other ant hill across the parking lot… so that sums up my Saturday morning….

something about lumping it all together…like pulling a band-aid off really fast…that just seems to have a calming effect…when it’s all done…I used to watch the big waves on the North Shore of Oahu….they were formidable…no doubt…yet there was something about the rhythmic…nature that after watching them for a while…decreased the power…of the wave…made them like a dangerous dog that I knew really well….and somehow trusted…knew wouldn’t bite me unless provoked…it’s that weird unpredictably constant relationship with the unknown…that keeps me excited….about it all these days…I know that may sound vague…but there is a level of not knowing that holds just as much anticipation and excitement as fully knowing…my friend Mars told me when she was 6….she used to drive with her mostly blind grandfather in Miami….he’d ask  her in his shaky old voice….”Is the light green or red?” and either proceed or stop…that is exactly what I mean…here’s a guy that has no business driving…but does anyway…and relies on a 6-year-old to give him the “Knowing” he needs to keep moving…maybe not the smartest…method…but it worked…

I can’t say…I’d like to know it all…everytime…..rather…I’d like to know some of it…some of the time….then the rest unfolds…not as a mystery…more…something I know is still there waiting to show up…that completes the whole picture…so it becomes a combination of knowing…anticipation of the unknown…throw in a small dose of anxiety…and a giant “Whew!!!!!” when the dust has….settled….maybe like riding a roller coaster blind folded….hard to know what to expect….unless of course….you peek….

some people need to have all of the answers up front….with little regard for the questions…and some people live a life like playing Jeopardy…me…I’ll take Obscure Baltic Dance Steps for 2000 dollars please….Alex….

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2 thoughts on “Saturday…September 26th…More Noise From the High Desert

  1. I like the questions. Someone told me a long time ago that the answer is always in the question. I hated riddles then. Now I’m thinking the answer came first before anyone ever thought of questions. Cool post, Robert.

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