Wednesday…November 18th…I’d rather ramble….knowing there is no end…than read the map….unless…of course I’m lost…..

“Never going to be what it once was” 2009

“The first half of life is spent in longing for the second-the second half in regretting the first” – French Proverb

the phone rang a few short rings…not like the ones I knew…more like someone else’s number but on my nightstand….that made it seem all the more certain I was …but not where I was…was starting to make the difference…it was a soaring sort of feelings….that gliding past the cliff edges…just close enough to hear my feathers scrape the hard rock edge….without a worry about the finished product…or if it could stand on its own or not…the savannah is a dangerous place…either get up running or sit down..let’s eat…at least that’s what they told me…on my birthday…that one year….that year was so many years ago…but it seems like I could grab it from the bag …I kept them in…that close…that close…and I’ll pinch my fingers closer to show you….I mean that close….

she wore the hat with the candles…even though “Candles” was spelled “del” instead of “dle”….we  just didn’t care…we’d been invited but decided to make other plans….the second they said….”Do you”….I knew what the rest of it was…and wanted to say “No thanks, we already have plans”…but I waited until it was clear…all clear…crystal clear….just to make certain it was…what it was….but what did I know…I still wore Velcro shoes…and those 80’s shirts….that made me feel a little younger than the other guys at the….plant…

so it was really January…but I kept the calendar a few months ahead…to make certain I was always on time…my dad always told me…”It’s better to be  really early than a second late”…and the brown plastic shoes of simulated leather…bit my feet hard this day…maybe it was the job I wanted…or the chance to just say hello to a few hundred people in an hour or so…I didn’t care about anything but the lunch room…and if they served everything on red trays or blue….ones….and I like that smell of a parking garage…they all smell the same….like cars but … like car wash water…on a summer day…before it gets to hot…..and they always say…”Thank you sir…have a nice day”……I don’t say anything…..

we acted like time travelers….in that way that only other time travelers would know…so it was difficult to let on that we knew…when we saw people like us….it was more eye winking…slow head nodding…half smiles…all of those things that identify…some level of sameness….like shells on the beach….or bullets in the gun….except a little different because we could have talked…but we opted to smile…those strange religious smiles…like those people who come to the door with their hands clasped…that have a “Message” for me….why me…I always think….Jesus loves me yes I know…for the Bible tells me so….that’s the message….I heard once….but I was young…really young…when his blood was grape juice…and I thought…how I do I get grape juice blood….and a body made from a salteen cracker…. there was far more here than they were explaining… or willing to explain….at least not to me……

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