Sunday…December 6th…Pearl Harbor Day Minus 1…with or without Platform shoes….

“Self Portrait from Reflection” 2009

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I could sing the “Beverly Hillbilly’s” song from heart…hopefully that would be the way out…or these days..I keep a half carat diamond in my wallet…you know a negotiating chip…you just never know when…negotiations might falter…and a diamond or “There was a mountaineer whose name was Jed”…just might shift the tide…premptive…planning…without the missiles and the military parades…I’ve been cutting my fingernails randomly just to see what happens over a few months…and today…I’m done…some are much longer than others…some are considerably shorter than others…and some are somewhere in the middle…so a scratch to my face is a random experience…a small mark…a semi deep gouge with blood…or a cut straight to the bone…that might need stitches….just an experiemnt..that somehow got out of control…kind of like opening a bag of potato chips….that doesn’t want to open…when you finally do…you’ve torn the bag completely in half…and the contents are all over the room…same same no different…swearing…and a thin plastic bag has taken control of the entire day….I just crush the chips on the floor….walk away…let them sit for awhile…until they’ve calmed down…or biting your tongue….that random snap of your jaw…the crunch of teeth…and your tongue…placed delicately between upper and lowers like a piece of deli bologna….on a sandwich….and it doesn’t happen just once…maybe 2 or three times the same day….and then all day you rub your tongue against your teeth…thinking something miraculous is going to happen …..like Jesus in a tortilla…or you win the lottery…..or you like your job……alot…..

“Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing”….she said….I couldn’t figure out how to do that….no matter how hard I tried….why red was red…rose wasn’t red and why white…was really a sort of yellow…but called white….it all seemed to confusing…to put the right labels on the wrong bottles….maybe it was “Drinkability”…drinking “Yellow” wine might be far to reminiscent of that first cup of urine in the morning…and rose and red…seemd to close to call so why not make them the same but a little different….like a set of twins….I use an indelible marker to separate them…easy…flawless…and so un-noticable….unless it’s a design I’ve drawn on one and not the other…then it looks lik a planned mark…. like a sharpie birth mark….I’d prefer a death mark…something subtle…slightly…indicative of my personality…maybe on a spot not a lot of people see…light blues…maybe with some fiery reds and oranges…perhaps some Latin….yes Latin….”Aeternum vale”……nice…real nice…..that way at my funeral…all of the Latin speakers will be nodding their heads…the non Latin speakers….will be sort quiet….maybe wanting to laugh….but maybe not…….kind of waiting around for someone to explain the Latin…….and we’ll have doughnuts…lots of chocolate glazed doughnuts……

I paid cash for them…enormous black platform shoes…..I…was going to the prom…with by far the most popular girl on the planet…now how that happened was completely unclear to me…I still think it was a bet she lost…and I was the price for losing….she was like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island…I was a nervous wreck…all of the time….plauged with intense anxiety…every minute of everyday of my life….this was maybe a test…I was using a skin cleansing machine…3 times a day…taking Tetracyclene like candy…..stuttered….kicked dirt when I talked…..had a Texas accent….all of it added up….they were black patent leather….black suede…..with giant brass eyelets for the laces…the heel was 5 inches tall and the platform…equally as high….my fashion skills dictated I wear a 3 piece light blue corduroy suit with these 11 and 1/2 pound shoes….my brother named….”The Black Walkers”……they now had more personality…than I did….I was taller though…now 6′ 5″…I was a nervous….anxiety ridden….GIANT…..6pm came far to quickly….I asked my brother for his advice….”well, lets smoke a few joints and figure this out”…..by 7pm I was completely baked….shouldn’t have operated a moving vehicle and was pouring Visine..in my eyes…..rather than utilizing the droplet applicator…..for ease and no messy clean up….I got into the truck….a box with flowers…..a bracelet with an orchid…..a small bowl of blonde Lebanese hash….a few of my favorite 8 track tapes……and no hopes of anything other than me being home by 8:15……my brother…met me at the car…handed me one more joint and said….”Take this…it will help….you” …I inhaled deeply…..thinking there was a calming effect on its way….my brother laughed uncontrolablly….I tried chasing him through the front yard….the “Black Walkers” were barely designed to walk in…let alone run……tears filled my eyes…I wasn’t sure if I was laughing…..or crying……

I awakened this morning…thinking of a muscian….Kenny Rankin…his music always made any Sunday special….it’s all about Sunday…in some Sunday way…..

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4 thoughts on “Sunday…December 6th…Pearl Harbor Day Minus 1…with or without Platform shoes….

  1. You find the best quotes, Robert. You must pull them from a magic hat (don’t tell which one, I like the idea of magic these days).

    haha! This first paragraph, the torn chip bag, the bitten tongue. All I can do is grin that grin.

    But I love the last paragraph best of all. That awkwardness of form and new situations. I love the shoes. Was that really you? With a Texas accent? I’da loved to have met you then. I would have been your friend 🙂

    Happy Zenday, although I always remember it on Sunday night 🙂 Happy Zenday can be every and any day.

    Like

    • Thank you Carmela…I’m glad you enjoy not only the comments but the content…yes that was really me…going to a Junior Senior Prom….what an interesting evening that was….I was brutally shy in those days….

      Like

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