Wednesday….December 9th….decoder rings….can decode anything….and I’ve really been thinking alot…about Lou Reed…..

“There You Are” 2009

“To do great things is difficult; but to command great things is more difficult.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

how it all gets where it gets was the overwhelming question of the day…I mean…what prompted that out of the ordinary trip I asked her…you were supposed to be going to work…not California…it was  really nothing more than cracker jacks…called something else…in a brown paper bag…and no little surprise in the striped….pakage…that decoded anything…that’s the way of the new world…see it…be it…all you can be…you know that…”Army of One”….stand on one leg…while maybe the other …belongs to the Bionic Man….and perhaps remains distended…like the young boy testicle…the one that drops from the heavens at 13….suprise….suprise….”Hey mom I gotta second one…even though you said I wouldn’t”…but whether it’s cat food or dog food….”Kings and Pawns all in up in the same box at the end of the game”….and who cares what the royal color is then….when they are all wearing black in the deep darkness….of those locked in spaces…where no one…not no one…can hear you…make those mouse sounds…..

nothing more mattered than the empty carcass on the table…just the note inside the body that read “Congratulations”….was it for finishing…or was it the last supper…and we were all now prophets…illuminated…would pictures show halos around each of our heads…we were chosen…is what most hoped for….I prayed if there was a god….he be swift…..lightining…tear my head from my shoulders….in a loud clap…..drip….drip…drip….until someone pushes the faucet a bit tighter….more secure…and the giant noises of the night become calm…able to sleep through….pull the cool winter sheets high…and feel my warm breath on my face…stuck tight to a wall like a roach….clinging in stealth…clinging in quiet….he’d say….”If you believe you are invisible…really believe it…you are invisible”……I was invisible……then…a night walker….quiet…and unseen…a day climber…hidden by the sunlight…transparent as a dragon-fly wing…..yet there were those days…I mean “Those” days….where the sunlight could touch my skin and char me black….and the night-time air would freeze my fingers…. iceberg hard….numb pain through my skin….like an old yellowed…envelope filled with locks from that lost lover….the one that was the last….one…the one that took all of it….the line came back empty….even the shiny brass hook was gone….it all seemed so over…so completely finished…and still…the sun rose each day….white light through the blinds….that found my eye…enough to disturb….it open…until I heard the real sounds….that music…that came from places deep beneath where my hands could dig….far past those places my eyes could see…..those were the thin air stepping days…..$9.99 ….for the first month…plus a free uniform and taps for my shoes….after that it was going to be expensive…but cheap too….but like a good shot of clean….heroin…they had you after that first month….really after the first few seconds….I guess it was like love…at first sight……

I used to press the box from the sides…didn’t care what the cereal was…I just wanted the toy inside…still do that….except…I don’t use my hands anymore….it’s a machine…a large metal machine….with teeth and gears…and sounds that wake my neighbors….it weighs a few tons…. takes 30 gallons of diesel fuel to start it….and the tiny armature…the thin mechanical hand….the delicate movable stainless steel fingers….reaches in….probes the cereal….a device is built into the hand that determines the placement of the toy….through….”CRT”….cereal recognition technology……it gently plucks the toy from the cereal…..debries…..and drops it into a stainless steel pan….cereal…box and all are discarded….through a device that shreds and recycles the cardboard….grinds the cereal into smaller than dust particulates and blows it into the atmosphere…….I can decode anything….these days…….anything I want…..

she pulled petals from the flower…with all of the he does or doesn’ts…..and never really knew it was for nothing…because he didn’t know….and how if you don’t know…..do you or…..don’t you…..it’s that process….how a bug gets captured…to only end up with a pin through its back….it has a new Latin name….that only Latin speakers get the jist of…..the rest of us…just look and think …”Man I wish I knew Latin today”…..it’s about  what makes it easier….more reasonable and definable….black coats are not just black coats…there are many kinds and many kinds and many kinds….it again is how it happens the way it does…what sets this up…so that it can happen…is it a secret…a defined idea…a way of doing things that we already know the outcome…yet have to experience it to make it feel real….ant bites…red or black…which hurts more….or do they hurt at all….she was leaning against the wall…wearing a summer dress….it was spring but seemed like summer so I guess it was fashionably OK….looked like maybe someplace in Mexico….or Central America….we were smoking Luckies…sharing a beer…she was crying when he took the photograph….standing ankle deep in…….flower petals…..

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