Wednesday…December 23rd….Hopefully…Santa’s bringing Jambalaya…..or the stuff for making velvet paintings….


“Park Ave” 2009

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going”  – Beverly Sills

it was a jet plane day…or better a winged serpent sort of trip…awaited…I’d be in Thailand in a few hours longer than a few…I needed to remember somethings before I embarked…not on a trip…but on a life….things like what not to be later in life…things like…whatever mistakes I’ve made….are okay…and that even when I couldn’t read a measuring tape…and just said numbers…they were close enough to build  a house…so maybe things were a little short…or long…did it matter when the walls came up…did anyone ever call and say…they were concerned….wanted their money back…or that part of their life they felt cheated from…I saw here just a few days ago…she once took me to a Tanya Tucker concert…I told her I’d leave her for Tanya…I wouldn’t but it made things more tangeble…more wanting to grip the frying pan by the hot handle rather than with a towel……look at the scar a few years later and sing them cowboy songs when we drove down the rode…wishing we had a top to put down…..

I called her Bev…when her family called her Pearl….she was a gem…though…a real pretty sort bar girl….made you want to be with her…but not for keeps…she took a look a long time to fade….I drank a few drinks in her trailer behind the “Side Door Lounge”…she had a couple of those panthers painted on velvet..and one of Goofy blowing Micky Mouse….above the metal door with all the rivets in it and the fogged glass…her boy had just been killed in a car accident…. few weeks earlier….she’d wake up on the floor most days of the week…or in some strange man’s bed….wondering what was coming next…there were far to many envelopes…waiting to be sent….she just needed the stamps….and a way there….spelled her name sometimes in print…sometimes in hieroglyphics….either way…they never got there….and if they did…nobody read them…they only could speak the words…not read em….they were in the twilight times…that place between heaven and hell…just waiting for something to either turn them around…or burn them to a cinder….right where they sat….while the small screened black and white TV talked all day about what to look for…when cleaning the collar of a shirt….and why those dogs next door bark to long into the night…..made you a little tense….there about 3 am…I seen you there….sitting on the porch…playing that thing in the bucket….calling it all up from underneath the skirt of the mobile home…maybe it was dead dog spirits….or them young kids that just disappear every so often….but there was something more to you and the world around you….I watched your smoke for many years…even when you was younger…and slick….with them whores in Juarez….handing them money like it grew on trees…she called you “Diablo…..the rat killer”… I thought more of you as a sign…maybe a way of saying far too much without ever moving your lips…..like them dummy wooden dolls they have down there on Star Avenue at those shows…where the fella talks with out talking and the doll moves his mouth…that kind of magic….stuff from them old books we read as kids…remember…..remember when we tried that….

he was far to afraid to lift the door open…afraid indeed of what was there just ready to spring forward…..”come on…I don’t want to do it”….nobody really did either…so we just gave him a hard time…called him a  few names…his hand was still on the handle….and just on the otherside…not 2 inches away was everything we all feared…it was real…just waiting for us to open the door….it had no fear…it was ready…..waiting….but it would be another day…and other kids….who did what we couldn’t…..and maybe what they feared was real too….”but they aint here any more Bobby Ray….you rekon….he took em…like them other kids”….I smelled salt water…the ocean for the first time when I was 13…years old….we all sat waiting to see what she’d turn over…her hair was red like fire….and blood I thought…she looked at me….”this may not be so good”…she said…..just do it……she turned the card over…it was the 3 of clubs…….they all looked at me….she…started to say something …..but turned around and left…..when she got to the door she looked at me…raised both of her hands…..said….”don’t come round here no more Bobby Ray…I mean it”…..the porch light went out…I could still see where the yellow from the bulb was….I saw my breath in the air…it felt like it was thinner than before…..

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4 thoughts on “Wednesday…December 23rd….Hopefully…Santa’s bringing Jambalaya…..or the stuff for making velvet paintings….

  1. I love everything about this post. The end is lingering in my mind, that yellow light & your breath in the air. You are a powerful storyteller.

    Like

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