226. February 9th….I shouted at the TV…the sink and the dirty clothes….I feel better….Thanks…

“The Forest for the Trees” 2009

“Between repetition and forgetting, it is a marvel that a new thought ever struggles into existence” – Mason Cooley

sometimes…saying what you have to say…out loud…whether someone is there to hear it or not is needed…sort of a proclaimation…an affirmation of what’s been held up behind the dam…in our mind…..we can say how we feel…scream out in pain or disappointment…languish or sorrow….sob with fear… rejoice….or relief…but in any case the ability to speak it means there is the probability of changing it….into what it is you want…turning something that may have been not so good into something that is well worth the effort….and the loud wake up the neighbor screaming….I like the word probability better than possibility….has a few more sharp teeth….

once the proclamation has been put in motion…the hard part arises…and  that is letting go of the original sin….making it be alright….so the steps ahead are less arduous…or all of the screaming…sobbing…ranting and general loudness of these sorts of epiphanies…would be more of a test of dramatic skills than genuine critical mass….it isn’t always about me…or you….or at least that’s what I hear…and I guess believing that helps the whole process unfold in a way that makes the process itself more important than the unchanged diaper…..for me it’s about the what’s done is done…mentality…it is always hard to return to the scene…with any hope of putting things on re-wind and hoping that…the little glitch in the film doesn’t appear time after time…as the specific reminder of the what’s done is done sort of thinking….it’s difficult to forget about the sharp stick in the eye…when the sharp stick is really your finger…and going to be there until you’re not…but I guess owning that…it’s my finger makes it a great deal easier than thinking some masked madman….lurks out there just waiting for an open…unguarded eye…….

people handle everything and every situation differently than everybody else does….it is my…your…our…task to accept that people are processing …digesting…absorping…formulating and adjusting to the changes in their lives with little concern of anything outside of that bubble….and for as selfish as it sounds…any other way lacks the focus needed to keep all the plates on all the sticks……and always spinning….

we are all important to more than a few people…..yet our importance waxes and wanes….there are many people who are important to us….and their importance drifts from high to low on our scale…based on what is happening in our world….and what’s happening in their world…and it seems when everything and everybody are aligned at the right time …it all works…until those days happen I suppose it’s really a push pull….and we’re either there or we’re not….pushing and pulling…..and that’s where the changes take place…or at least the probability of change…everything has been said….everything has been announced….and proclaimed….there is nothing left to do….but stand there and wait for the shit to happen…or…make the shit happen…and there in lies the difference between possibility and probability…..

we are given the oyster…..and the grain of sand…..it’s up to us to produce the pearl…..

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