302. May 4th… “Je pense donc je suis” …. “Cogito ergo sum” …….but does thinking put the…. “I” ….in I am…..?

“Synapse” 2009

“The most thought-provoking thing in our thought-provoking time is that we are still not thinking.” – Martin Heidegger

each night …moments before I go to sleep…I say… “I can’t wait until tomorrow“…and I have said this for as long as I can remember….that statement does a few things for me…it lets me know there is a tomorrow….it tells me I’m part of it…and that there is something exciting about tomorrow…and I get to be involved in it….all of this has never been more true than when I am at the “Creative Climbs”…..in my life….

last night I could hardly sleep…thinking about a painting I’ve been working on for awhile….just running the possibilities over in my mind was like an IV of No Doze…I kept thinking about what could be done…and what I should do…and all of the things I could try…I could see each color and how I was putting it onto the canvas…..in essence….I ran a marathon in my disrupted sleep….and what it made me realize is…over thinking…is an easy thing to do…as well as unnecessary…..

over thinking makes the possibilities enormous…and rather than seeing perhaps just a fragment of the whole….the desire to see the whole may essentially reveal something that is not expected….nor desired….a portion allows us to partially create the rest….where as seeing something in its entirety leaves little room for imagination….and we are just face to face with the object…..imagine having all of something…rather than gradually attaining it over a period of time…like winning a 700 million dollar lottery….one day you are…..the next day you are as well…..but with a whole lot more and not sure what to do….because you are the same person…yet your life is no longer the same….so somebody is catching up…..

thinking is a way of recognizing the world around us…we think millions of thoughts a day….and hardly remember but a few….and just try to think what you were dong last year at this exact time…unless you were in solitary confinement….it is virtually impossible to know….precisely….and when we add objects to thoughts….our approach…method…what we think we’re going to do….”The Plan”….and find that the object even though inanimate seems to have its own plan and idea of what is going to happen….I guess that’s when the negotiating begins…..

with paintings….I’ve found…a canvas…sometimes resists my ideas….seems to reject and repel anything I have in mind…until we come to an agreement….and often that agreement is a verbal….salvo of ideas….with absolutely no response…and maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be…my ideas getting out of my thinking brain….to hang in the air so we both can see them….agree and move on…..maybe decide later we’re having tuna on toast and a glass of sparkling wine for lunch…..who knows……

so each night before I go to sleep…and I say my ritualistic…..”I can’t wait until tomorrow“…I’m glad I’ve left it pretty open ended….and the assurances I get from that statement…even though vague and broad reaching…..keep me from thinking too much about thinking too much about what I’m thinking about……

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