354. July 5th… So….you want to be a………

“Just West of…” 2010

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

Raisin bread….my new and utterly wonderful addiction…..who’d of ever thought I’d go to bed thinking about making raisin toast…first thing in the morning…either…I really need to a grip and think about getting a life…or the smaller insignificant things have become up there on the forefront…and have reached “Important” status…. I prefer to believe the latter…and for a few obvious reasons…..

so do I need to get a life“….I asked as I waited with great anticipation for the raisin bread to fire from the toaster…crispy yet slightly soft…spreader in hand…loaded with butter….and my favorite Japanese Toast  plate….awaiting the union of wheat…raisins….and ceramic…..no I don’t…more I want to groom the one I have…make it into a more beautiful mosaic….my most recent quest along with the life make-over has been entirely about “self truth”…and for as easy and simplistic as that may sound….lying to myself is easier than working…..an Easy Bake Oven…..and I can for a great many reasons….because I want….”it“…to work….and for what ever..”it” may be….once I have arrived in a sense….everything will be AAAAAAAA-OOOOOOOOkay…..and all of that sounds really good….especially in the event that where I end up on the “Okay Scale“…is greater than 5 at any given time…but really is it…..

I have choices just as you do…and if we exercise those choices…work hard and smart at developing them…we may get exactly what we want…but if we don’t…it is guaranteed  we will not get even a close  facsimile of what we want….more an option that appears to be…but is far from the desire….a Gucci looking bag…..

I read things…in my home…tapped to the walls….floors…written on every mirror…. are mantras…affirmations….ideologies….quotes…..specific rules I live by….methods to do things that I keep forgetting how to do….inspirational photos with equally inspirational text….things I found very interesting but haven’t made the time to read… words that come to me the first second I awaken…and an array of things that says…..”look at me“….and it works…

this process has made me realize that ….what I want….is really nothing more than another story…something else I tape to the wall…..read continually…make it a habit……habits take about 21 days to become internalized….to become part of the system rather than an attachment…a foreigner….that’s not a long time to have something good stick….so by writing down what it is I want …the process unfolds….I know with certainty…I am either moving towards something …or I am moving away from it…

I’d like to share with you what I want…..and what I really want from the depths of my being….some are very precise…others…I’ve chosen to remain vague… maybe your thoughts drift to a place that frees you as this has freed me…..

I want to:

1. Teach art at a small community college or university
2. Paint every day
3, Love magically, wildly with complete and utter abandon
4. Share myself and my life
5. Create things each day
6. Build a small house on some property with a nice size studio
7. Raise some fruit tress and berries maybe some chickens
8. Live walking distance to the coast
9. Pursue my Bell Project
10. Build some tree houses

so reflecting back on raisin toast and it’s significance….it is very significant and it is about the smaller things becoming/remaining important…as far as getting a life I have a great one…..I  have discovered though that life is much like coloring within the lines…..either we press the crayon really hard or we don’t…and it still works….


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