384. August 15th….If it makes too much sense…..it might not make sense….

“West From Ghost Ranch” 2010

“Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.” – Leonard Cohen

when I was a child…getting ready to go to the bus stop and catch the city bus to school…I always wondered…if you weren’t going to school…what exactly then…were you doing all day….I saw my father put on a suit….choke himself by pinching his tie far to tight at his neck….drink coffee in a hurry…bury a bowl of corn flakes…2 peices of white toast….mumble….a few things and off he’d go….but to where and what end….I’d no clue….while my mother…sort of moved around in a way that seemed like she knew what she was doing…but left little idea of what the rest of the day looked like…..for her……me….I wore a blue uniform….rode the bus about 12 miles….downtown…carried a tan briefcase with the snapping flap…and built in combination….lock……. that didn’t work….exited the bus a dozen blocks early to stop at the car wash and get a “Mars” bar…..and fantisize about all of the black women that worked there…wearing their gray zip up jump suits…..gold teeth….processed hair….and cat eye glasses…. the women that called me “Honeyboy”….and made me blush…

even then I wondered where it was all going….and what happened when I finally arrived at the end of it all….and I mean the end…not in the sense of death…more like a stop sign….at an intersection in the heart of the west Texas desert….a place where cars meet maybe twice a year……..yet for some reason you stop anyway…look both directions a hundred miles…then drive through it…wondering all of the time…the two really important questions….1. what’s the stop sign doing there?….and 2. Why’d you stop?…..so I guess that seemed to be the scenario….what the end looked like….but still knowing the end…..was really just a place that kept going…..and somehow once I arrived…..there was going to be something  like Disneyland……that served all the chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes I could eat….with chocolate pudding pie for desert…..

so it never really made any sense…..not any of it…..I mean how people got married….had children…bought houses….did things that they did….I’d watch my neighbors…Mrs. Wilson…she always looked pregnant….and always looked that way all of the time…she cried a great deal…and her husband…Mr. Wilson raised beagles…wore black horn rimmed glasses….had anchors tattooed on his forearms….and generally didn’t talk much….next door were the Bowmans…he wore shark skin suits…..drove a Chrysler with the rear window that rolled down….their children were older and gone……until the youngest daughter…came home with a baby and…no husband….it reeked of scandel…..Mrs. Bowman had bad plastic surgery…sneered pretty much every time I saw her…..on the other side were the Hansens….she a “war bride”…he one of those guys that drove a volvo….in the 1960’s….that said something huge…..he was a pilot…did a great deal of business in Mexico…with the gold mines…..I helped his wife up once…when she fell over the small retaining wall that divided our houses….he gave me an expensive watch with diamonds for the numbers…..my father traded me a pocket knife for the watch…..I had trouble telling time anyway….

and here I sit today…..making decisions….that kind of appear like I know what I’m doing…..it’s 10:39 am…..it’s  Sunday….and it’s August 15th…..

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One thought on “384. August 15th….If it makes too much sense…..it might not make sense….

  1. I absolutely love this post. I like when I get to time~travel through your mind & heart. You tell the greatest stories. All heart, no hot air. I don’t get how people do all that stuff either. I accept that I won’t be knowing that but instead knowing other things that, more and more with each passing moment, become simply clearer.

    Thank you for the shiny~dime one of a kind memories, Robert.

    Like

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