“Deeper Than Bone” 2010
“Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.” – Samuel Beckett
one of the wisest people I ever met told me to learn to listen…and once I learned how all of that worked….I’d then know how to speak…..
there has been a narrowing in my world this past year…a getting smaller that is really very nice…all is becoming more compact…..more manageable…and there is far less reaching with the ends of my fingers for what is in front of me…..along with that experience are realizations that if I will listen..big results will surely follow….
I’ve found…when people just listen to someone talking…..the conversation is about what they would do….call it advice….or misguided direction…or a need to impose their own personal desires that they typically won’t do….onto the person listening….as if they have the plan…sealed tight…waterproof ….and flawless….something….you should really be doing…you know… Advice is defined as: “recommendation as to appropriate choice of action“…I guess then what does appropriate mean????…….Appropriate is defined as: “suitable or fitting for a particular purpose, person, occasion, etc”….so advice via its definition is really valuable stuff….right…we should all be giving advice and getting advice…..as often as possible…its good stuff…..
I think advice is nothing more than another persons desire…being overlaid on someone else’s original thought……that overlay often is what they want to do yet are incapable of doing for a variety of reasons…..which most people won’t admit……….advice usually starts out with phrases like…”You need to…”…..”You should…“…”If I were you….“…..when in reality giving advice is always a question…. “Do you want my advice……because attached to my advice might be some weird stuff that really has nothing to do with your situation”…..if….”yes I do”….proceed to next step…..and begin the listening process…if “No I don’t“…sail up….change course and think about is it….Chef Boyardi Ravioli or something organic for dinner…..tonight……as advice often is a personal crusade…one that when denied can be seen as the proverbial gauntlet….so suit up cowboys…..
I also don’t think you should be able to get advice or give advice to people you’ve known less than 5 years…and known pretty damn well….as pretty much everything about you/them has crossed the table…in a way….you know their expertise and maybe what they don’t know a great deal about…nothing worse than giving unsolicited language advice about how French should really be spoken because of the 2 semesters of French you took in 1981 to the guy that you didn’t know teaches French and has since he moved here from his native Marseilles….25 years ago…..oops……
I guess advice and opinions are not to terribly different….seems advice is telling someone what they should do…while an opinion is what you think about what someone is doing….has done…or is planning on doing….once it’s done…advice has little effect…sort of like talking about how you could have avoided getting her pregnant….10 weeks after the easy blue has announced she is….while a future plan can be advised until you are no longer friends….as can a current….present situation…..no one wants to hear what they are doing lacks value…..unless of course it’s robbing 7/11’s…or dealing large amounts of crack at the grade school….
so maybe there is a moralistic line in the sand when it comes to giving advice….when advice has a benefit with….zero judgement….no expectation….perhaps that is good advice….or when advice…helps someone make a decision that alters their life in a way that moves them from….stuck……to….less stuck or ….unstuck…..
I don’t know the reasons nor the whys advice is plentiful and listening seems so underrated…..I know I’m guilty of pressing my advice up against the glass like a wonderfully exposed….pressed ham….and I think ……”I need to to”….or….”I should“….or “Since I am me“….take my own advice……
now here is one great piece of advice…..
“I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations – one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it – you will regret both.” – Soren Kierkegaard
Noise from the High Desert 
The Beckett quote sounds like Harry. Advice is just words. I listen to everyone’s advice and then do what looks like the easiest and most fun path. After all, advice is yet another way to give another attention. And if you really disagree with the advice you can debate it which can bring up new ideas. And finally, I’m so glad I’m not Kierkegaard; he was such a mess.
LikeLike
I do see Harry in the Beckett quote….and your correct…advice is nothing but words…to accept…decline or debate….
“the task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted”….
he was a mess no doubt………..but an interesting mess…
LikeLike