413. September 17th…Life rules…..even when the hounds are baying……and I’m forced to listen to Robert Plant….until I want to puke……

“Reflection” 2010

“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards, make anarchy and disorder your trademarks. Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you alive.” – Sid Vicious

I find it incredible how…something simple…normally very benign and harmless…can set the pace for the day…

the….”choir of curs“….nextdoor…has started my day with unnecessary anxiety…and now I hear the low muffled sound of the radio….on all day long to soothe the savage beasts…so which is worse….barking….baying dogs…or muffled music all day….Chinese water torture…or fingernails pulled out with rusty pliers….this all parallells a passage that was read to me about forgivness….often we hold unforgiviness…..while those we do not forgive have no clue they are a part of it…and are completely unaware of the issue we are very raw too…..and unforgiving for…so really when we choose not to forgive…we really only damage ourselves…..that….really makes perfect sense….to me today….(He said through the sounds of barking in the distance)……

we don’t have to forget…..we don’t really even have to forgive…yet the price we pay for not forgiving will be far more than the worth of holding onto it…by not forgetting does not mean…the wound remains open and raw…it merely is remembering a bad hangover…..when the thought of drinking arises again…it seems that the memory emerges when the situation is ripe for repeating something all to familiar….and call it the lesson if you will…that says…”No….this person can not be trusted…so I will allow nothing to happen with them”….but you have forgiven them for the reason they can’t be trusted….. it is the gas gauge in the car…..it’s telling me where I am at…..with regard to fuel and how much I can expect to get….. I have to decide what I do about it….be stranded on the side of the road…or continue on to a fun-filled weekend in Vegas….

has this new-found understanding of forgiveness…made me a better person in the time it has taken me to write this…..NO….it has not….if anything it has affirmed my position that I may be forgiving….forget some things while not forgetting others so easily….and know that I am entitled to a home that is quiet……calm….and designed to suit my needs…especially if I pay for it…a life that is good and rewarding….and when those elements are disrupted…..something must change….and the “splinter” of sorts….must be removed….I feel this is not only a living issue…but a life issue….I realize everything is not about me…and compromise is a necessary part of living in harmony with everything else trying to do the same….yet when the interior of my bubble….your bubble….is compromised….breeched in a way…that disruption is part of it….that becomes unacceptable…..and change is required….

so in other words…..barking dogs and muffled music have led me to a place that has really little if any to do with barking dogs and muffled music…more to a place where…shall I say requirements for living have become paramount….

1. I have certain things in life that I have to accept even if I don’t want them….yet I don’t have to invite them over all of the time.
2. If I am not getting exactly what I want or something even close to it…..I’m not going about getting them……the best way….
3. Compromise only goes so far and works so well….
4. if I always do what I always did and I find I am always getting what I always got….and am tired of it….maybe it’s time for a new map….a new direction
5. I can forget what I want…..and not forget what I don’t want to forget….I’ll make those choices…
6. Be Actively Interactive….
7. Unacceptable issues…head them off at the pass…..
8. What I don’t know…is something I really should know….
9. Forgive at every opportunity…
10. It is my choice to say what I want to say…..and how I say it
Well….better than a good series of deep breathes…….an hour of yoga…and a box full of bran……

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” – Oscar Wilde

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