437. November 15th…Good thinking can make anything out of…anything else….

“Dia De Los Muertos 2010”

“There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathise with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life. The less said about life’s sores the better.” – Oscar Wilde

nothing more…nothing less….sounds pretty nice as it rolls out of my mouth…tongue pressed against the back of my teeth…spitting the phrase right on out there…maybe saying it in a way that says more than the actual words themselves….like a plot to a movie or words to a song I’ve heard a thousand times yet can’t sing…even if my life…depended on it…

I’ve finally become more accustom to the sounds of a new house…the creaks and bumps that are unique to each home…the same ones that kept me awake the first week I was sleeping here…wondering if I was hearing footsteps…ghosts…or just the house settling in for the night….I’m now able to walk in total darkness…navigating my way around with little memory of my old house…except those first few moments out of bed….I still want to walk around my bed into the wall rather than get out of bed…immediately turn right and into the bathroom…just a minor glitch that will be worked out in no time…I guess that’s the part of a new house that’s the fine tuning…

this move was a very significant move…it was either…down the road…or so far down the road….”country” might have had different initials….on the letters to and from the family…this move though…was perfect…perhaps a bit more away and isolated…maybe a little further removed…but well worth it….

sometimes it’s those small attempts that make the larger ones fit like a great pair of shoes….or how hands that mesh well…mesh…I’ve been thinking of the things I’d like to do…and the difference of thinking about them and doing them….and suprisingly that difference is not really that great…I know doing requires thinking before it all falls into place….and often over thinking can make the idea far more precarious and sketchy than need be…the right amount of thinking is like the right amount of gin in a martini…

all of it makes sense…and the notion that it is available to anyone is probably not accurate…I think we have had to experienced a little bit of life to make the choices that don’t sound desperate…or make us feel like we are just picking the best of the worst…and can live with it…that takes the time…and the litany of bad friends…relationships…jobs….situations and gambles that clearly define the word “NO”…as a word with a bit more authority than when we were….say 2o…maybe thirty…even 40…sometimes 50….who knows….and something about the past making the future…more clear..almost smells….of parochiol school hallways and things that seemed a little to unreal to…digest…

every Wednesday during my first attempt at college in 1974….the cafeteria served…chicken fried steak…each Thursday…they served the left over steak from the day before…swimming in a pool of brown gelatinous gravy and called it “Salisbury  Steak”….that’s….the right amount of thinking

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s