487. February 7th…It isn’t always true…just because Lowell said it was…

” I Stepped Up to the Platform”2011

“Companions, in misery and worse, that is what we all are, and to try to change this substantially avails us nothing.” – Franz Liszt

as if the night was an enemy of mine….a place where all that was never understood lived…in all of the dark crevasses and cracks I’d cringe when my fingers got close….like a ravens blue-black color…that color that marked my skin…that followed me to school or when I’d hide from the bigger boys…who’d steal my lunch…ransack my briefcase…I’d buy a “Mars” bar there at the car wash with all the black women…with their gold capped teeth…their beehive hair…I looked hard at their breasts beneath their gray jump suits…they’d laughed when they called me “Honey Boy”….when I thought of them with my white milk body laying alone in the bathtub”…

crisis isn’t really the choice…or maybe it is for some..but it always is an option…and when that option is exercised…if eyes are wide open..receptivity is high…there is a great deal to learn…and a way of waking up that just might be different from the everyday…I don’t know what causes everything to begin its buzzing before…surely it accumulation…and ultimately critical mass prevails…

I’ve been questioning my place in all of that…where I’ve decided to stand….I think of the animal activist who protested the “Running of the Bulls”…many years ago..waved a banner in the arena…as the bulls entered..they trampled the protestor…I guess the bulls didn’t see the protestor was on their side…so the intention was a really good one…but even in good intention…crisis can arise…

I’ve heard the cliche many times…”what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger“…I don’t believe that at all…it’s like the apple a day rhyme…it’s not the apple…that keeps the doctor away…its what ever you decide to replace as the first word/s…that keeps the doctor away…example…”4 eggs friend in bacon grease a day…keeps the doctor away“…so not getting killed because of something…doesn’t increase my strength…I think it’s more about doing smart…than doing because the capabilities are there…and what the hell…any moron can try tight rope walking…but success separates the men from the boys and a visit to the emergency room…an extended stay in ICU-vs- cracking open a few cold ones after another successful high wire walk…

I suppose we should expect crises…given who we are and what we do…and will respond to accordingly…I was watching an air show with a buddy  in Denver…the Korean era fighter plane did a loop to loop missed his ideal moment…and augured into the ground in a fireball…killing himself instantly…it was shocking…but all my friend could say was…”Great, he really screwed up, hopefully the stealth fighters are next“…and I got that…whatcha going to do was his response…there was still a lot more to see…

so where I stand in all of this…actual location…figurative placement of the old dogs…is much like a conversation I had about Mark Rothko…and how his painting have a “never finished” attitude about them…there is always room for another color…coat of paint…and following his color field thought that could go on far past the horizon…and rather than looking for some end in crisis…there has to be a continuum like a Rothko painting…that has the possibility of revisiting…returning… pulling it from the rack and painting on it with all of the new information…the new thoughts…ideas…what better way to paint than to paint the same painting a few hundred times…with new stuff…

crisis is defined as: “a stage in a sequence of events at which a trend of all future events, especially for better or worse, is determined; a turning point”… so crisis has an equally “Better” side…and I think in most cases it shows itself…

right after the…clouds have dissipated…and whatever bright and clean looks like to you…crisis doesn’t have to be this….but it sure sounds good

“I write-down to speak-up.” – M.K. Asante Jr.

 

 

 


 

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