493. February 15th…”The consequences of an act affect the probability of it’s occurring again.” – B. F. Skinner

“Dream Days” 2011

“If there is a sense of reality, there must also be a sense of possibility.” – Robert Musil

in my dream…very early this morning I was walking slowly and as quietly as I could…across a path covered with dried leaves…there was a man there I didn’t know…he was talking to someone I know well…he asked me if I was Tom….

a year or so  ago…I burned up 30 years worth of writing…daily…musings… complaints….ideas..dreams…goals…you name it…I’d written religiously since taking a course in college on journal writing…in the late 1970’s….there was a level of liberation I’d found in writing that…not only allowed me some freedom…but offered me the possibilities….

I used writing as a directional rudder…and as an echo…never shared a bit of the words until a few years ago…never reread the writing until that same time…as it seemed like peeled skin from a bad sunburn…a necessary dialogue to make certain…certain things progressed….and all remained smooth…

yesterday…I sat in on a mediation…and was amazed to see how it all worked…not the function really or the process…but more the players…their roles and what they were trying to do…the mediator was…disinterested…had no opinion…clearly there to allow dialogue…and knew at the beginning there was no end in sight…while the players…brought their very best…their finery…all of the ecutrements that expanded the possibilities to be seen in a brighter light….it never panned out that way…

somehow a piece of the humanity didn’t come into the room along with everyone…it must have sat outside…waiting…

as artists we all have to figure out what it is we say “Yes” and “No” to…and not let what is possible make that decision…I think it is over time we find these insights and can make the decisions much easier than when there was a great deal of idealism…perched on the easel…I’m not suggesting cynicism for idealism….I am saying for me it has come easier each time I finish something to say I know more about this than I did a few days ago…and not fool myself into believing…the work has become anything more than the work…

I’m finding the path is becoming easier….more negotiable and certainly wider in most spots…it is all spreading out like the roots of a tree…and each is defining what role it plays in the “Career” I’m opting to call life these days…

“The consequences of an act affect the probability of it’s occurring again.” – B. F. Skinner


 

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