541. June 25…”Come as you are…Leave as who you’ve always wanted to be”

“Wonder” ©2011, Robert Redus

“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” – Gail Sheehy

“it was the first time…but my insides said I’d done this many more times than today….sure I was going to end up drinking grape flavored drink mix out of pot…with a small white plastic spoon..and that’s when the road would begin to wind its way to where I was going to sit…for a long time…I still think of those days…when the heat would suck every bit of breath from my lungs…the creosote bushes would stink up the air bright green…and every now and again…the devil would stir the earth a few miles away…kind of a warning in a way…taught me to get a bit closer to the things that hissed evil….maybe like putting a finger on a fast spinning tire…mumbly peg…or those boiling asphalt roads at sunset…alive…waiting…deep bites…it sometimes blows west in the mornings…bringing the scent of the river to my door…a mildew fragrance…like them old books in the box…in the closet…and I guess it was killing time in a way…spending something on something else…that neither one had that value like those TV sets there at the parking lot carnival…where the guys with the whiskers and missing front teeth…called us up there acted like they knew us…wanted to make us a deal…”you boys like that push push?”…5 dollars each…he’d hold open the canvas drape…she sat on a cot covered with blankets…picking at something under her fingernail…”how bout dope…good  Jamaican tops”…it was almost like ringing a door bell and running… but running really slow…or getting a peek at her breast and acting like I didn’t see anything….turn my head left…right…look a little at the floor…raise my eyebrows…as if I was going to say something…just puff my cheeks…instead”….from the Black Eye Project

we played with the Magic 8 Ball last night…at a birthday party…a gift that sure opened it all up…I had a Magic 8 Ball…I kept it in a blue metal safe…really it was a box with a red plastic dial that made it look like a safe…but as far as security…there was none…the stuff I needed to hide..cigarettes…love letters….the  playing cards with the naked women on them…the one’s I took from my father’s sock drawer….they’re  buried in a jar in the backyard of the house I grew up in…

when I asked a question to the Magic 8 Ball…it was a real question that the answer was generally very pivotal to my future…the answer…was one I believed…and believed with every ounce of my being….needless to say…”Ask again later“…was a torturous answer as I felt as I was standing on the precipice…and my life depended greatly on knowing the answer to “if Connie really liked me“…in the event that she did…my plan was a forward progression…or at least as forward as an overly shy…fat kid…could progress….if say the answer was “Definitely No“…she was off of the radar immediately…as the word “Magic” in the Magic 8 Ball…clearly defined that there were powers out there that were far more capable of answering the question in my life than…I was…now on the flip side….when the answer aligned with my desire…my life was illuminated….I was on the path so to speak…everything was…where I wanted it to be…often I would ask the same question again…maybe due to insecurity or uncertainty…and if the answer was different…things would become confusing…

there is something about having a great amount of security…just as there is with having none…I think having a lot of security is like sleeping under a bunch of blankets on a really cold winter night…while having none is like riding in the back of an old pick up truck driving fast down a long dirt road…with nowhere to go in mind….just where you are…right then…and I guess they both are good for what they are and good for what they’re…not…

Robert Genn…an artist who writes about being an artist defined what it takes to keep the grip on the life in art he used descriptions and attributes to define this grip…they are:

curious…philosophical…passionate…energetic…obsessive-compulsive…self-motivated, entrepreneurial…loner, non-joiner, outsider .. hard worker…patient…exhibitionistic…egoistic…individualistic, resistant to prior programming

I went to bed last night thinking about these…and how each of these traits are also the same traits that make living well…like a great barbeque…I guess everyone can say they are all of these to some degree…and they are admirable traits….so in essence everyone is also an artist….to some degree…just as everyone is a doctor or a high wire acrobat…or Las Vegas Show Girl….to some degree…this led me to the idea of what would you rather be…I guess than who you are…right now…it reminded me of the movie…”The Parking Lot Movie“…where on the wooden parking gate is the phrase….”Come as you are…Leave as who you’ve always wanted to be“…and I like that….

We have a lot of opportunity awaiting us….and I think the whole…”Come as you are…Leave as who you’ve always wanted to be” thing really if you think about it…takes great deal of the guess-work out of the equation…sure I realize that the Magic 8 Ball…entrails and tea leaves are the definitive method of getting it…not to mention the “On-line oracles“….In the poll…the choice…”Other“…that’s the one I’d like to know about …so comment and tell me what “other” is for you…and even if it’s Wombat Handler….the same attributes apply

I’ll consult the Magic 8 Ball to see if you’re not just…pulling my leg…though….

“A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.” -Wizard of Oz

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3 thoughts on “541. June 25…”Come as you are…Leave as who you’ve always wanted to be”

  1. I’d like to be an artist who doesn’t need a day job. She owns a lovely house, is followed about by a menagerie of pets and has a studio/workshop in the garage (with a sink). Oh, damn! I was that. In that case I’ll have to choose Julian Schnabel. A master cook, a brilliant painter and a filmmaker of great depth and good taste. He’s even straight.

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  2. This is fascinating Robert. It is morning here at the foot of The Blue Ridge and I just voted. The results were quite astonishing. 66.67% of the voters wanted to be Witch Doctors. This must have some DEEP meaning. What does it tell us about ourselves?
    Considering the fact that I am heading into my 35th year as a chiropractor and that many people would and do consider me to BE a Witch Doctor… I confess, I’m feeling rather smug.
    smug [smʌg]
    adj smugger, smuggest
    1. excessively self-satisfied or complacent
    2. Archaic trim or neat
    [of Germanic origin; compare Low German smuck neat]
    smugly adv
    smugness n
    Adj. 1. smug – marked by excessive complacency or self-satisfaction; “a smug glow of self-congratulation”
    self-satisfied
    content, contented – satisfied or showing satisfaction with things as they are; “a contented smile”
    …………………………………………………..

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