January 16th, 2013….Reality check…exceptionally exceptional, exceptionally exceptional excep. It will be Next weekend…just watch…

From the MInd of the Manic

damien_hirst_dots_gagosian

Damien Hirst, Dot paintings, or is it a Twister Game Board?

“The happiness of most people is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things.”

Albert Einstein is said to have defined insanity as, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I have a degree in this…probably a Masters if not a PhD…and chances are most of you do as well….Today is going to be filled with quotes it appears….Charles Osgood said, “There is no exception to the rule that everyone wants to be the exception to the rule”…and yes I am as guilty of this as you are…and last but not least…the ever profound Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”…I too have had incredible plans…plans that were foolproof until…I was figuratively punched in the face…even had a few literal punches…my point is pretty clear…or at least I hope it is…

If you think you are not delusional….think again….your plans, ideas, all of the bullshit you/me/everybody keeps locked up waiting until the magic mushrooms  take effect…and when they do…out comes the rabbit from the hat…your ideas and plans bloom like a tomato plant laced with Miracle Grow…and before long you can make 3 gallons of pasta sauce with 1/2 of a tomato…and it works…and everything is good….the masses are fed…you’ve increased a few hat sizes….you are better looking…exceptional…..and it’s time to move onto the next project…yes indeed….Mr. exceptional….

We all do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results…we either want to be or believe we already are the exception…and our plan is so dynamic and doable… so foolproof…flawless….bob and weave…stick and move……until those 4 knuckles spread our noses to the left side of our faces….like warm cream cheese on a bagel….

I spent all last summer at the Tesuque Flea Market…once the flagship for flea markets across the country…so much so that people were making $15,000.00 a weekend selling anything and everything…artists were discovered there….celebrities flocked to the acres of tents…the jewels were just waiting to be picked from the vines…it was the western version of Andy Warhol’s Factory….

another saying that we’ll attribute to the author….anonymous….“That was then and this is now” …the market now is much like something the state would send first time DWI offenders there to do community service…or maybe a remote penal colony….it is bleak…windy…hot…delusional….and filled with remnants of the “THEN”….many people there now were there during the heyday…and they will tell you about it….The part I enjoyed the most was the predictability of Next Week and the Next Week and the following week…….I spent from March to September hearing:

  • “Next weekend is always the best weekend of April”
  • “This weekend should have been better, but the ___________was going on in Santa Fe”
  • “The first of May it gets so busy you can’t sit down”
  • “June, July and August are the best, tourists season”
  • “Just wait until next weekend”
  • “Saturday will be slow, but Sunday, is going to be really busy”

The process was always waiting for NEXT WEEK and accepting that the $100 a day in sales….were just the tip of the iceberg…Next week was going to kick some serious ass….you just wait and see….

next week never came…there was not a “Season”…and my repetitive delusion of being  the exception was only shattered by an incredible left hook right combination to my face….Thank you…thank you…..thank you…..

Anxiety is derived from one of 2 things being focused on the past or on the future….there is one thing worse than uncertain anticipation and that is morbid reflection and one thing worse than morbid reflection….take a guess what that might be…..

I read a brilliant article in Forbes today about business…something I could always be more savvy in….the truth of the matter is well placed in the 2nd to the last paragraph….

“Remember to be honest with yourself, and while you might paint a rosy picture publicly, never buy your own B.S.”

….that has to be the smartest thing I’ve heard in a long time…because so often our own B.S. will become our reality…so we’re living knee-deep in our BS…wondering why it just ain’t working like we planned….and here we are the same schlub just with a crew cut and maybe a new set of teeth….

There is hope though….having receptivity is like going to a dance without a date but knowing you’re going to dance all night…even if it’s by yourself…. wish I’d have gotten that earlier in life….instead I stood  against the wall at the Holiday Dance Club dances…wearing a paisley Apache Tie,  bell bottom pants that could cover a small poodle, brut cologne and enough clearasil to patch ever dent in an older automobile….

Receptivity means…“having the quality of receiving, taking in, or admitting.” something based on the Einstein, Osgood Tyson dilemma…( that sound so real, sort of economic in nature….The EOT Dilemma…wow!, I’m on to something…)

Junkies, alcoholics, addicts of any kind usually have to admit the problem exists in order  to address the problem that exists…and once that hurdle has been overcome…a process begins….an end result will either be success or failure based on the ever elusive now….the work that has gone into address the problem and the ability too of staying power….

So my summed up points in all of this are simple: Please….Say this out loud….and a bunch of times….

  • I can fool myself easier than I can fool anybody else
  • Once fooled it might take me awhile to know I fooled myself then it might take a while longer to admit I fooled myself
  • Nothing is as it ever was, nor will it ever be
  • Anticipation of the future based on a poor model…one littered with poor planning…repetitive failures and just plain bad juju will always produce  horrid results
  • Now is the most important moment I have
  • The “EOT Dilemma” is real and it applies to Me
  • Live in Bull Shit or don’t
  • If my reality and my bullshit are the same…I really need a major adjustment…and quickly

here’s a little BS for you………

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”

 

492. February 14th…It fills the gaps…..that’s what it does…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Shadows” 2011

“The best blood will at some time get into a fool or a mosquito.” – Benito Mussolini

“Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

I like really serious people….but only for a few seconds…after that it’s excruciating…much like taking a trip with someone who drives 10 miles an hour under the speed limit to be “Safe”….you’re going to get there…but the price often is much higher than the bus or even walking….

Love…that miraculous sensation…that much like a New Years resolution…is celebrated in a much more…overt way today…than on any other day…and how odd is that…that we would announce to someone how much we love them…and maybe the announcement as well as the acceptance has a greater meaning…or is more concentrated…

I’ve been in love before…and it is a wonderful experience…something that can make the dark…bright…interrupt a life with great jolts of joy and pleasure…and to me…love is about “fit”…and how the fit feels…in every aspect of the word…how fingers interlace when holding hands…or how your lips mesh…and do you travel well…I think love like anything good…often has a tendency to be effortless…

sort like a river moving along…not a whole lot to see unless you’re interested in looking at a river…then all of the nuances…begin to emerge…different ways of seeing it all pass the same thing…

I suppose to a large degree…the chaotic…nature of love is what keeps us coming back for more…the predictablly unpredictable tight rope of amor…knowing well that a missed step might just get you into the arms of that someone….who happens to be walking by…with open arms…wide….just sort of wandering around with some half-baked plan….who knows….

my very first love was a girl named Mary Mayfield…I can still see her at my birthday party when I was 8…we had a wicked attraction…just had no clue it was there or anything about it…I was a very shy…dirt kicking…shuffle my feet…stare at the ground sort of kid…Mary and I went through parochial school together…and I’m quite confidant she had absolutely no clue of my deep undying love…it’s what you get for not doing or saying at least something…right???…

I think now…some 46 years later I’ve come to the conclusion…if you love someone tell them…what happens after that…..doesn’t really matter

so hopefully you can do something nice for your sweetheart tonight…and every night…forward…

Matilde, years or days
sleeping, feverish,
here or there,
gazing off,
twisting my spine,
bleeding true blood,
perhaps I awaken
or am lost, sleeping:
hospital beds, foreign windows,
white uniforms of the silent walkers,
the clumsiness of feet.

And then, these journeys
and my sea of renewal:
your head on the pillow,
your hands floating
in the light, in my light,
over my earth.

It was beautiful to live
when you lived!

The world is bluer and of the earth
at night, when I sleep
enormous, within your small hands

Pablo Neruda