593. February 13, 2012……..Manifesto…Can’t live with…can’t live without them….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

"G" Marks the Spot and the Edge", ©2012, Robert Redus

“If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.” – Mitch Hedberg

The word… “Manifesto” is defined as… “a public declaration of intent, policy, aims, etc, as issued by a political party, government, or movement” … I dare say “Person” was omitted…by accident….some say the Communist Manifesto is the “Most Famous of manifestos….but that’s like saying Pistachio Almond Fudge is the “Best” flavor at Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors…

Here are 15 brilliant manifestos…and I have to agree with Geoff McDonald…that the movie “Easy Rider“…is clearly in the top 10 of modern day manifestos….not to mention the Panhead ….Dennis Hopper is riding is really a sweet bike…

back to the manifesto thing…manifestos are a mental colonic…a way of purging all of the completely unnecessary stuff that has collected in your brain since the last…mind flush…or a lifetime of dis-information….writing a manifesto can be a long drive in a really small car with no air conditioning across Nevada in July or 1st class…you decide…which really is true about everything….we decide….

I’m starting on a manifesto today…earth shattering…probably not…but for me it will shake the ground I walk on…and that counts for something….

Let me know how yours come out….

“Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.” – Albert Einstein

546. July 11…we have about 500 million breaths in a lifetime…I’m making sure it’s… “In goes the good air…out goes the bad”…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Another Man’s Poison” ©2011, Robert Redus

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.” – Paulo Coelho

There is always a first time…that is what I have forgotten…some days…and is something I have been in the habit of reminding myself of when I look for what could be the first time for something new…even though I have experienced something similar…

I painted 3 small paintings in T or C yesterday after a walk and some picture taking early in the morning…those three paintings were born of sorts… “there”…not any place else and everything around me…all that had influenced me right then…right there…was what made those paintings become what they did…their birth certificates read…”Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, 7/10/11…and that was the very first time for those paintings…that can never be different than what it is…

     

Perhaps… “Firsts”…are like the number of breaths in a lifetime…definable…but in a weird way…the average respiratory rate reported in a healthy adult at rest is usually 12 breaths per minute…that’s about 504,576,000 breaths….if you live to 80 years old….thinking of it this way makes the number of possible …“Firsts”…in a lifetime….a huge event…or huge events…depending on the choice of one a or a few hundred thousand… “firsts”…

Everything too…either does…or does not….I guess knowing that…I question the reasoning for the constant desire to experience the same things…when knowing that if it does not…stop…and if it does…continue until it either 1. stops doing  or 2. it still is doing but you don’t want to do it anymore…I’m certain it is consistency and familiarity that has a great deal to do with the repetition of a process…

yet what I’m hearing is just the opposite from those who have lived lives of consistency and are now staring at some obstacle there directly in front of them…that is now preaching a different method for an outcome that just might be that “Answer” they’d been looking for over the entirety of their life…and reflection has been the tool that illustrates the flaw to where they have been…not where they are going…and now the breaths are getting shorter in amount and time is becoming more valuable…the actions are more calculated…and deliberate…and what really matters is doing what really matters…

so I guess what matters is if what each of us is doing is what fills us each day then… halleluiah…but if it only fills it up part ways….it might be time to try something again for the….first time….

521. May 9th… cogito ergo sum?…..or decipio ergo sum?…let’s ask Jimmy Swaggert…..OK?

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Old smoke…New mirrors” 2011

“A living thing seeks above all to discharge its strength – life itself is will to power; self-preservation is only one of the indirect and most frequent results.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

she asked me if they lost the paper…was it her fault…and who was to blame…I told her it wasn’t her fault…and I didn’t think anybody needed to be blamed…that seemed like a  senseless way of saying the same thing over a bunch of times…and hoping to feel good about the same answer…even when it felt poorly…she started to tear up a bit…she must’ve  been pretty sensitive…was my first thought…what she had forgiven them for…they had not done….and what they had done had been forgiven…in a small crack in the white paint way…

admitting takes a great deal of cojones…and generally the difficulties admitting…is telling the truth and almost always has to do with the “wrongs” we may have committed or the inaccuracies we allowed or perpetrated…or what we have decided someone else has done and needs to atone for….while admitting the things we do that fall under the “Right” column of the paper is quiet easy…we rarely admit we’re doing right…although we might remind people of all the right we are doing…as right is one of those things we never feel a need to apologize for..unless of course it’s doing something in the name of right…like…say…the “Spanish Inquisition”…or…”Ethnic Cleansing”…

Sometimes “our forward deception” is masked by one mask covering the next which is covering the next which is covering the next and so on…the perception of who we are is what we think we are…we might think we are forgiving…honest…trusting and honorable…and maybe we are exactly that to almost everybody we fool…I mean come in contact with…except those few people who have felt the sharp point of our lack of forgiveness…dishonesty…distrust and dishonorable acts and actions…we’ve all known someone…like this…and are like this to someone as well…yet each of them and each of us which is them…all have best friends that couldn’t say enough great things about us…so what’s the deal….

so makes me think that our perception of who we think we are is really how others perceive us to be…and we either meet that mark or we don’t…and we either try to be that person we’ve led them to believe we are or we don’t and all of the “buzz words” we’ve used to define who we think we are or more so who we think we want to be…are only believable if everybody around us see us doing the action associated with…you got it….the “buzz words….

we’ve all thought we were______________________and along with being________________ we also had all of these “wonderful” qualities: 1. ______ 2._____ 3._____ 4. _____ 5. _____ 6. _____ 7. _____ 8. _____ 9. _____ and 10._____ and never did we think we could be anything else…until after a few hours…days…months…years…decades…we became _________________ instead…with all of these “wonderful” qualities:1. ______ 2._____ 3._____ 4. _____ 5. _____ 6. _____ 7. _____ 8. _____ 9. _____ and…10._____ and within being both ___________________ and __________________ we also were very capable of displaying these “not so wonderful” qualities: 1. ______ 2._____ 3._____ 4. _____ 5. _____ 6. _____ 7. _____ 8. _____ 9. _____ and…10._____ I’ll call these qualities the…”Jimmy qualities”…we’ll get to those directly…

no doubt intention looks great on paper and maybe accomplishing 51% of the original intention illuminates the personal Buzz words…lights up the marquis enough to maintain a level of credibility that can be seen from a few blocks away…and maybe it doesn’t…it really is the action that speaks…and not most of the action…100% of the action is required…so in order to be and be with any believability we have to do…and do completely…consistently…continually…

I think of the Reverend Jimmy Swaggert…you know the Television Evangelist that got busted with a prostitute…he was busted by a fellow Evangelist (Marvin Gorman)…whom Jimmy had reported to the powers that be…had been involved in extramarital affairs…vengance was indeed Marvin’s…Jimmy televised his apology with…”I have sinned against You, my Lord, and I would ask that Your precious blood would wash and cleanse every stain until it is in the seas of God’s forgiveness.”…and most of the congregation saw Jimmy doing what he said (often called sleight of hand in some circles)   Jim was given the standard two-year suspension for sexual immorality…returned to the pulpit after 3 months…appeared not genuinely repentant..and was then defrocked…dethroned…and his credentials along with his ministerial license…were removed…Jimmy was resilient though…like bamboo…so he decided to become an independent…end of story…no not really…Jimmy was again arrested in 1991…for…that’s right…Solicitation of a ….you got it a…Prostitute…she must have been hot because when he was pulled over…he was driving on the…wrong side of the road…now busted twice…same offense…he’s now an independent…and the consequences are different…this is what he said to his congregation…rather than admitting anything….”The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.“…now..how’s that for walking that talk of perception…

my point is simple Jimmy is not what buzz words Jimmy uses…he’s a television evangelist…who likes prostitutes…similar to a vegan who enjoys a good T-bone…every now and again…it just can’t be…

along with admitting…comes ownership…even more difficult…but owning it is much better than renting it…living a life of convenient resolution…makes it really easy to adopt new “Buzz words” when needed…drop them in place when the slots begin to empty….makes us more believable..or at least we think so…keeps us “Right”…and ensures we can perpetuate denial of who we are..what we are…what we’ve done and said…what we will do and say….and that fuzzy old thing called memory…because we can always defend it by…”The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.

one thing for certain….there is a little Jimmy in all of us…

 “Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only disease you can get yelled at for having” – Mitch Hedberg

486. February 5th… “Distractions”…live tonight…7pm… Five Dollars buys you all you can carry.

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Ten” 2011

“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” – Albert Einstein

all of the Jesus photos undulating in the candle light movement…they all continued to stare…the same dead…peaceful gaze….. a pair of black fish net stockings had covered… some of them….they didn’t really care what I was doing….didn’t care if I was saved….or heading that direction…they were reminders….Wendy was only Wendy…I was only me…we were here for the same reason….just on different ends of the rope”…

another day of “hands in the air” living…while my quiet demon sings…”The Power of Lust“…repeatedly in my brain…maybe a new reminder…I don’t know…perhaps something I should pay a little more attention to…

Blaise Pascal wrote…. “All of man’s misfortune comes from one thing, which is not knowing how to sit quietly in a room”…and I agree…I especially like his ideas on diversion and our “Hopeless condition“…I chew them a great deal more than anything else…

distraction is that wonderful pulling force…that thing that may lead to water or not…yet takes us away from where we were…I mediate everyday…and initially…meditation was nothing more than closing my eyes…breathing deeply and basically thinking of everything I’d been thinking about when my eyes were open and I wasn’t breathing deeply…infused with distraction…thoughts that just couldn’t wait…sitting there breathing…trying to expand myself was futile it seemed…I mean what was the point…I could be driving and doing the exact same thing …right?

it was accumulative…like anything that we choose to make a part of ourselves…the more we do it the more it becomes a natural process…something that is part of the ritual…H.I. McDunnough…was really good at petty robbery of convenience store…surely because he practiced…while his distraction was the straight and narrow…raising a family…and a wife who was in law enforcement…he also knew the tools of his trade well enough to avoid the long sentences….

the inability to sit quietly in a room and distraction are like conjoined twins…because distraction is such an enormous force in life…it is difficult to separate the time for quiet and the time for dealing with a file folder of distraction…as we mostly live the distraction…

a nutritionist I know once told me to take one day out of the week and fast…just water…maybe diluted juice….to give my digestive system a vacation…from all of the business at hand…I did that for a few years and found I felt better…my system seemed to like the vacation and all was working well…between digestion and me… and it made sense…to take a break…

I’m finding that it is… “Time” again…for a vacation…from my distractions…it’s time for some new ones…that are a new delicacy…ones with different tastes and flavors…some that look like the bicycle I had when I was a kid….or that are different shades of blue…or smell like freesia…with the footwork of a good Tango…

“It is only at the first encounter that a face makes its full impression on us.” – Arthur Schopenhaur


 

420. September 27th….The Old Dogs….well…they’re the ones with all of the new tricks…..you just have to be willing to wait…awhile….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Old Dog, New Tricks” 2010

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

proving something may often not be the part of it all that really has anything that matters…once it has been revealed….the proof is much like a used tissue….it is the activity around the tissue prior too…..that took it from one thing to another…..and what matters is….it is……still a tissue…

proof is nothing more than a stationary rock in the water….while the decision to do something is the water flowing around the rock….moving past it in time….I think we really need to see what it is that has been proven…and maybe we have proven it too ourselves…or seen the proof else where…but once that light has been turned on…there really is no going back….unless of course you’re willing to knock yourself unconscious with a hammer every time something arises that tips conciousness over like a cup full of hot coffee….into your lap….

I proved some things to myself over the past few days….some are good….and some are not….the good ones…I’ll continue making my quilt with…..the ones that are not good….will need to be spit from my mouth…..and discarded…..and since I know them…and know them well….the disguise will never work…..nor will I accept that mode of thinking again….

what I found interesting is the….why…..part of good qualities as well as bad qualities….good qualities…seem to be effortless……they are the things I do without thought…that begin with a good intention…therefore produce a good result…and within the delivery is somewhat of an area that is of no concern….no fear…no thoughts of rejection or judgement….just a place….that real is real…and the recipient of the intent…..makes their choice…and that choice is equitable no matter what their decesion….it is about someone else……and every time I do that….I feel like I am stronger…more complete….more genuine….

on the flip side of that….the…why….of bad qualities are often disguised…they take work and preparation to install….and it might just be seconds to install but nevertheless…..the process often leads with anticipation….and expectations….wanting something before I’m willing to give something else up….really no desires…more demands that have been prepped to look like a desire….having attachment to the outcome……and wanting the recipient to either see it my way…or hear it my way….but either way it appears to be my way….when I do this…I am often afraid…fearful I will reveal my weakness….I am concerned about being judged….I am fragmented…and negative….incomplete and grasping for what I can hold….with little concern….of what I’m gripping….

I know my life is filled with opportunity and often these circumstances just bring open hands….and  a…..”It’s up to you” mentality…..but the more I chose the direction that works on making me a better me…..that becomes the process….of making the process less of a process….and more of a well lite space…..one that is easier to negotiate…full of more and full of less…..where the rocks are smooth…..and the trecherous…..is really only temporary…..and of a short time…..and everything is clean heart…clean…….

“With your magic…I think you just might charm the birds out of the sky” – Sade