513. April 14th…Live like you were…Denis Diderot…at least some of Denis Diderot…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Devil’s Claws” 2011

“If there is one realm in which it is essential to be sublime, it is in wickedness. You spit on a petty thief, but you can’t deny a kind of respect for the great criminal.” – Denis Diderot

so it sort of seemed like a bucket of chicken…a whole bunch of parts from a whole bunch of birds…and who knew if they’d ever had names…or were they just numbers…and did calling one…”Big Chicky”…make any difference…I’d thought about where all of it was going…and ease seemed like it was downhill…but down lead…”there”… which was not part of the pieced together map…my friend Robin Caruso…not the singer or the actor…maybe he was a transgender…mind bender…but he knew his stuff…when it came to piecing together maps…I thought Iowa though…wasn’t even close to Florida…

around 4 am…this morning…two cats were either embraced in passion or preparing for combat close to my house…all of the neighborhood dogs were making a great deal of noise…at the great deal of noise…sort of struck me as there was a lot of stuff going on…early in the South valley…and a lot of living things were indirectly involved in it…not really knowing anything about what was going on at all…yet somehow needed to find something to do with the noise…or go back to sleep…me I opted for the sleep….for another couple of hours…

I painted outdoors on Monday…for the better part of the day…to say it was inspiring is a small word for what I felt…my personality has always been that of a constant tug of war…not necessarily opposing factions pulling against one another…but ideas that are somehow bred off of each other…so rather than pulling against…mano a mano…my tug of war is often a more side to side style..a rather…horizontal battle of the mind…where often what I love is what I don’t think I really want  yet when it is there in front of me I realize how much I do love it….

while sitting on a rock bench…I looked to the west for a good hour…the landscape sat static but the information from it reminded me of brush stroke…it really looked like what it was…as far as landscape…but the hypnotizing factor of this part of the world whispered…swirled…changed color…motion…moved closer…pulled further away…as if I was looking through one of those big head small body making carnival mirrors…my reaction was a sigh…a resignation of place…arms out and a silent “I really do love you”…even though I knew I was going to get nothing back other than the beauty that was right in front of me…not somewhere else…

what I am doing is right for me…it feels right and I suppose that is enough to make it all work…I just know that when I can sit for a few moments…really take a look at the world…some level of true understanding begins to emerge…time takes a brief hiatus…all that is important floats to the top…the stuff that truly matters still swims…and I can see what it is that I want to pay more attention to and less attention to…that sounds so obvious…yet often that “place” is miles away from miles away…but always right there…and how that works…is the mystery…but a good one…so it clearly shouted place is right where it is at that moment…and there may be a clear path to another moment and another one…and the process continues…but doing…it being it…every second of every day will surely make a difference…when Pat Travers sings…later on…

it made me think of the whole idea of “Biological Clocks”…I’ve always wanted a “Biological Clock”…I’m not sure what it looks like and how different it may be from a regular clock…  “Biological Clocks” are defined as:

1. An internal mechanism in organisms that controls the periodicity of various functions or activities, such as metabolic changes, sleep cycles, or photosynthesis.
2. The progression or time period from puberty to menopause, marking a woman’s ability to bear children.
if I were to build a Biological clock this is what it would look like…it would flash at random times throughout the day…and stay lit all of the time….

sometimes flashing like a strobe light…other times a slow methodical flash…and maybe it would be encased in a 1970’s Mirrored Disco ball…hang from the ceiling and periodically when I was supposed to get out of the house…randomly…Alicia Bridges would begin singing…”I love the Night Life“…and that would be my cattle prod to start the “Boogie” process….

like anything the clock is going to stop some day…and I’d rather not know when just that when I flip the switch…the white flash of a spent light bulb blinds me for an instant….I get that nano second of the roller coaster dropping out beneath me that beautiful landscape in front of me… the satisfaction of great sex a good martini…a chocolate glazed doughnut …green chile stew from Garcia’s  and then…as the song goes “Boom…Boom out go the lights”…

“Every man has his dignity. I’m willing to forget mine, but at my own discretion and not when someone else tells me to.” – Denis Diderot

470. January 10th…I am capable…therefore I shouldn’t….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Contour” 2011

“Information: the negative reciprocal value of probability.” – Claude Shannon

I’m beginning to think…everything is either about redefining ourselves…or fundamentally fooling ourselves…

every situation we find ourselves in is…a). has the potential to be workable….or…b). has absolutely no potential to work…what so ever…and I find the idea that taking either of those situations and willing trying to make them opposing to their natural probability seems by far the most destructive…time wasting…futile effort one could pursue…

I don’t know if we deserve or are entitled to anything…yet we can make conscious decisions that will  allow our lives…to…remain the same…make it easier…or make it less easy…and difficult…and why we opt for the latter is voluntarily stepping out into traffic just because…we are capable of doing so…because we can…doesn’t always mean we should…and for every reason to do anything…there is one that is an equal and opposite reason not to do it…sort of emotional physics…

fooling ourselves really is all about being there everyday for the same grand opening and acting surprised…while knowing that it’s basically going to be about the same with an end result that sounds..smells and taste…just like the day before…where as redefining ourselves….maybe doesn’t make us any better or  right…but allows the scenery to change…as we too change…maybe take a look at what is and see if it still fits…

I think it is more of an evaluation process initially as it takes a different eye to step away from what we know for something we know is going to be different…we just don’t know what that is…until we’re on the move…but we know that we can’t stay here…and I’m pretty certain redefining ourselves is a direct result of Critical Mass…or…the minimal amount of something to produce a given effect…and a good dose of being in flux….otherwise we remain…continue to fool ourselves…

most everyone I know is in a process of remaking themselves…understanding more what they are about rather than what they are capable of…I think that place offers a great deal of space to think…see how it feels…test drive it a little…and if it needs to change…then perhaps it does…

I had to jump over a high chain link fence the other day to retrieve my keys….after the experience of planning my assault…where I was going to land…was I capable of an olympic dismount…and if so…were we talking 9.7’s across the board….the reality of the leap and the fiction I had put into place were grossly  different…yes I am capable of jumping a 7 foot chain link fence…and no it is not anything of beauty…but what I realized…I’m much more capable of carrying bolt cutters in my truck…and next time I find my keys on the other side of the locked gate…I’ll cut the chain….

“I’ve made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a savant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I’m convinced of the opposite.” – Bertrand Russell