12.31.12…What a difference a day makes….it’s all in the attitude!

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

islands

“Islands”©2012. Robert Redus

“The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.”

Somehow the year accelerated to today, the 31st of December. I don’t know if the older I get the faster the time goes by or if there is something else that it is happening, I’ve yet to figure out. Nevertheless, it’s going to happen. It reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw that read:

“Jesus is coming…look busy”

Reflecting back on 2012, it was pretty certain with few exceptions….I don’t want to sound like I wear nothing but brown clothes everyday of the year. Exceptional things only happen if  1.) You decide to make exceptional things a part of your life.  or 2.)You hand the wheel to someone else and end up where they are going, doing what they are doing and hope that 10-50 is not in the equation. My year was exceptional for what exceptional initiatives I put forward . Most of us would rather watch the alligator wrestling than be wrestling with the gator.

I refined my bucket list this year, and after entering a pie eating contest (#3 on the list) in Pietown New Mexico, coming in 15th place, I realized that writing down what I want to do then checking it off  is much like the 2 years…that’s right 2 years we spend sitting at traffic lights throughout our lives…..So no more bucket list….1-100….just sort of adopted the attitude that I should do what inspires me…take this exceptional life and…live it exceptionally….

So with the new year creeping up on us like a new pair of briefs…we have the what am I going to do with myself reflection asking us…”So what are you going to do with yourself”…I suggest you answer…”Absolutely Nothing”….as planning the fiery car wreck in advance, takes all of the suspense and intrigue out of all of the possibilities.

My New Year’s Resolutions are….none, sure I sat at breakfast with Sue this morning thinking about what I want to do, when in reality  I should be resolving not to repeat what I didn’t want to do last year….so yes, my resolution is exactly that….hands in the air, resolving not to repeat any part of last year but the good stuff….and then I have to decide if repetition of the good stuff is really worth the effort.

On another note….my canned answer for 2013 is, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore, but I’m willing to be proactive”…sort of a combination of rebellious concern with emphasis on solution.

I became 56 this year and of course I reflected on what I’ve forgotten, what I know, what I think I know, what I’d like to learn and what I am hoping to do with all of this knowledge and forgotten knowledge. As I have lived more life than I probably have left to live, what matters really matters a great deal more than ever before, so yes I will demand a diet Dr. Pepper over a Diet Coke, and don’t try for one second to convince me that medium rare and well down are pretty close. So I guess what I am saying is I understand why older people get pissed off and are sometimes difficult to deal with; and it’s not because they are demanding but they want what they want with little exception, we just add the word ‘Old” to the mixture and it gives a reason. Now how wrong is that.We’ve all sat at the table debating on having the waitperson, notice the politically correct format) take the food back because _____________. and in younger years maybe just debated rather than acted. Yet now….I’ll walk it back to the kitchen myself…..no problem….As we all know, 56 is old to some, young to others so maybe it really isn’t age at all…it’s entirely attitude…We should be,  A okay with that,  these are lightbulb moments. we can genuinely say…..”I will” or “I won’t”, then fill in the blank with the stuff we will or won’t do and feel damn good about the end result, even if we decide to change that will or will not at any given time.

My prayer is, Jesus….could you give  a little notice before you arrive, I really want to make sure I’m busy doing what I want to be doing….Thanks…Robert

“A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.” – Max Planck 

492. February 14th…It fills the gaps…..that’s what it does…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Shadows” 2011

“The best blood will at some time get into a fool or a mosquito.” – Benito Mussolini

“Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

I like really serious people….but only for a few seconds…after that it’s excruciating…much like taking a trip with someone who drives 10 miles an hour under the speed limit to be “Safe”….you’re going to get there…but the price often is much higher than the bus or even walking….

Love…that miraculous sensation…that much like a New Years resolution…is celebrated in a much more…overt way today…than on any other day…and how odd is that…that we would announce to someone how much we love them…and maybe the announcement as well as the acceptance has a greater meaning…or is more concentrated…

I’ve been in love before…and it is a wonderful experience…something that can make the dark…bright…interrupt a life with great jolts of joy and pleasure…and to me…love is about “fit”…and how the fit feels…in every aspect of the word…how fingers interlace when holding hands…or how your lips mesh…and do you travel well…I think love like anything good…often has a tendency to be effortless…

sort like a river moving along…not a whole lot to see unless you’re interested in looking at a river…then all of the nuances…begin to emerge…different ways of seeing it all pass the same thing…

I suppose to a large degree…the chaotic…nature of love is what keeps us coming back for more…the predictablly unpredictable tight rope of amor…knowing well that a missed step might just get you into the arms of that someone….who happens to be walking by…with open arms…wide….just sort of wandering around with some half-baked plan….who knows….

my very first love was a girl named Mary Mayfield…I can still see her at my birthday party when I was 8…we had a wicked attraction…just had no clue it was there or anything about it…I was a very shy…dirt kicking…shuffle my feet…stare at the ground sort of kid…Mary and I went through parochial school together…and I’m quite confidant she had absolutely no clue of my deep undying love…it’s what you get for not doing or saying at least something…right???…

I think now…some 46 years later I’ve come to the conclusion…if you love someone tell them…what happens after that…..doesn’t really matter

so hopefully you can do something nice for your sweetheart tonight…and every night…forward…

Matilde, years or days
sleeping, feverish,
here or there,
gazing off,
twisting my spine,
bleeding true blood,
perhaps I awaken
or am lost, sleeping:
hospital beds, foreign windows,
white uniforms of the silent walkers,
the clumsiness of feet.

And then, these journeys
and my sea of renewal:
your head on the pillow,
your hands floating
in the light, in my light,
over my earth.

It was beautiful to live
when you lived!

The world is bluer and of the earth
at night, when I sleep
enormous, within your small hands

Pablo Neruda

 

 

 

 

 

 

464. January 1st, 2011…A New Day…New Year and all that stuff that goes…with it…

Uncategorized

“Words” 2011

“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?” Harvey Fierstein

so here we sit…a brand new day…of the brand new year….that’s pretty exciting…

I don’t make resolutions…as I see them to be a great deal like haircuts…I have to have them a few times a year rather than once…for obvious reasons…I like the idea of resolutions…but to store all of that up and wait to put them into practice…on one day…well…honestly doesn’t seem very practical…reasonable…possible or likely…not to mention the pressure and anxiety associated with the entire idea behind it…

I’m finding the more we do something the better we get at that something…and the more we do the things that are directly related to that something…well…we get even better…at the original something…so it seems to practice a resolution all year makes a great deal more sense than to take a huge bite out of something that a few seconds into it reveals the impossible nature of the task ahead…gym membership sales increase dramatically in January….for what appears to be the idea that health has somehow become an important issue somewhere around January 1st…and the previous 11 months health was a moderate maybe even nonexistent idea…so back to the more you do the better you get at it idea….maybe the whole resolution thing could sort of finalize itself on January 1st….after say an entire year of healthy living…good quality food…documented weight loss…BP numbers…Hemoglobin A1C …LDL and HDL…tests all well within the “healthy” range….the resolution is then exercised….a trip to the Bali or Paris…or a pair of Peach Face Love Birds…or maybe sleep out in the backyard for a month and not go to work…anything that screams….”Nice”….this has that “reward for action” kind of thing…rather than the “well you lasted 31 days…and you’re eating ice cream out of the carton again…and the finance company is starting to call about the gym memberships“…

Don’t ge me wrong…we don’t need to be rewarded for good behavior…especially when it comes to ourselves…rewarding ourselves for what a great job we did…when we should see the result as some sort of pay off…but we do….

and I know I’d much rather put my ass on the line say…when I’m ready…fit…able…right in my head…to be on the line…ensuring some chance at least of success rather than that I think I should be on the line because January 1st just happened the other day…and I need to be doing something…other than what I have been doing for the last year…

so I guess if I must have a resolution it would be…

Do more of what works and makes me happy…less of what doesn’t…and makes me sad

nebulous….and vague…of course…but something I can strive for…for the entire year…and maybe when I look at the pie chart…December 31st 2011…it’s not cut in equal halves….

the dictionary has many definitions for Resolution…I prefer this one: “reduction to a simpler form

I know what I want…and I am always working towards that…”simpler form“…I’m walking barefoot…now…in cool green grass….oh yeah!!!

I’d be interested in knowing some of your resolutions….have a prosperous and wonderful new year….

“If our condition were truly happy, we would not seek diversion from it in order to make ourselves happy.”- Blaise Pascal

463. December 31st…2010…The end of a year

Last Day of the Month

“My New Year’s Eve” 2010

“If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.” – Cyril Cusack

2010 is gone in a few hours….and what has transpired over the past 12 months have been bitter-sweet….

to say the year was incredible would be accurate…with incredible comes every facet possible…this year had satisfaction…dissatisfaction…acknowledging deep endless love with the loss of love…wonderful friendships that were solidified…while other friendships dissolved…understanding that sometime led to confusion…questions that had many answers…realities that were once chains…and became wings… memories that disappeared forever…while new events settled into place…some truths became lies…while some lies revealed themselves as true….impossible to move…left with a puff of breath…prison became paradise…and what was once pitch black gave way to the brightest light I’ve seen….

I learned more than I could write over the year…I discovered things I didn’t know existed…I found the possibilities endless…and learned to stop a little more each day…

I found we are all works in progress…and our job is…getting ourselves to be the very best person we can be…so when we share ourselves with others…our goodness…joy…happiness…understanding…love…compassion…forgiveness and truth…is a feel good tsunami of sorts…for anyone who steps in front of us….much like how the cream filling of a chocolate zinger…or how love grabs you…or the feeling of true bliss…closes our eyes for a second…and inside of us says…”Ahhhhh” long enough to remember what this is all about….

I hope for all of you 2011 brings to you what matters most….that you find clarity…happiness…joy…and all you are looking for….

be well…peaceful and safe….

“One forgives to the degree that one loves.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld