January 16th, 2013….Reality check…exceptionally exceptional, exceptionally exceptional excep. It will be Next weekend…just watch…

From the MInd of the Manic

damien_hirst_dots_gagosian

Damien Hirst, Dot paintings, or is it a Twister Game Board?

“The happiness of most people is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things.”

Albert Einstein is said to have defined insanity as, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I have a degree in this…probably a Masters if not a PhD…and chances are most of you do as well….Today is going to be filled with quotes it appears….Charles Osgood said, “There is no exception to the rule that everyone wants to be the exception to the rule”…and yes I am as guilty of this as you are…and last but not least…the ever profound Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”…I too have had incredible plans…plans that were foolproof until…I was figuratively punched in the face…even had a few literal punches…my point is pretty clear…or at least I hope it is…

If you think you are not delusional….think again….your plans, ideas, all of the bullshit you/me/everybody keeps locked up waiting until the magic mushrooms  take effect…and when they do…out comes the rabbit from the hat…your ideas and plans bloom like a tomato plant laced with Miracle Grow…and before long you can make 3 gallons of pasta sauce with 1/2 of a tomato…and it works…and everything is good….the masses are fed…you’ve increased a few hat sizes….you are better looking…exceptional…..and it’s time to move onto the next project…yes indeed….Mr. exceptional….

We all do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results…we either want to be or believe we already are the exception…and our plan is so dynamic and doable… so foolproof…flawless….bob and weave…stick and move……until those 4 knuckles spread our noses to the left side of our faces….like warm cream cheese on a bagel….

I spent all last summer at the Tesuque Flea Market…once the flagship for flea markets across the country…so much so that people were making $15,000.00 a weekend selling anything and everything…artists were discovered there….celebrities flocked to the acres of tents…the jewels were just waiting to be picked from the vines…it was the western version of Andy Warhol’s Factory….

another saying that we’ll attribute to the author….anonymous….“That was then and this is now” …the market now is much like something the state would send first time DWI offenders there to do community service…or maybe a remote penal colony….it is bleak…windy…hot…delusional….and filled with remnants of the “THEN”….many people there now were there during the heyday…and they will tell you about it….The part I enjoyed the most was the predictability of Next Week and the Next Week and the following week…….I spent from March to September hearing:

  • “Next weekend is always the best weekend of April”
  • “This weekend should have been better, but the ___________was going on in Santa Fe”
  • “The first of May it gets so busy you can’t sit down”
  • “June, July and August are the best, tourists season”
  • “Just wait until next weekend”
  • “Saturday will be slow, but Sunday, is going to be really busy”

The process was always waiting for NEXT WEEK and accepting that the $100 a day in sales….were just the tip of the iceberg…Next week was going to kick some serious ass….you just wait and see….

next week never came…there was not a “Season”…and my repetitive delusion of being  the exception was only shattered by an incredible left hook right combination to my face….Thank you…thank you…..thank you…..

Anxiety is derived from one of 2 things being focused on the past or on the future….there is one thing worse than uncertain anticipation and that is morbid reflection and one thing worse than morbid reflection….take a guess what that might be…..

I read a brilliant article in Forbes today about business…something I could always be more savvy in….the truth of the matter is well placed in the 2nd to the last paragraph….

“Remember to be honest with yourself, and while you might paint a rosy picture publicly, never buy your own B.S.”

….that has to be the smartest thing I’ve heard in a long time…because so often our own B.S. will become our reality…so we’re living knee-deep in our BS…wondering why it just ain’t working like we planned….and here we are the same schlub just with a crew cut and maybe a new set of teeth….

There is hope though….having receptivity is like going to a dance without a date but knowing you’re going to dance all night…even if it’s by yourself…. wish I’d have gotten that earlier in life….instead I stood  against the wall at the Holiday Dance Club dances…wearing a paisley Apache Tie,  bell bottom pants that could cover a small poodle, brut cologne and enough clearasil to patch ever dent in an older automobile….

Receptivity means…“having the quality of receiving, taking in, or admitting.” something based on the Einstein, Osgood Tyson dilemma…( that sound so real, sort of economic in nature….The EOT Dilemma…wow!, I’m on to something…)

Junkies, alcoholics, addicts of any kind usually have to admit the problem exists in order  to address the problem that exists…and once that hurdle has been overcome…a process begins….an end result will either be success or failure based on the ever elusive now….the work that has gone into address the problem and the ability too of staying power….

So my summed up points in all of this are simple: Please….Say this out loud….and a bunch of times….

  • I can fool myself easier than I can fool anybody else
  • Once fooled it might take me awhile to know I fooled myself then it might take a while longer to admit I fooled myself
  • Nothing is as it ever was, nor will it ever be
  • Anticipation of the future based on a poor model…one littered with poor planning…repetitive failures and just plain bad juju will always produce  horrid results
  • Now is the most important moment I have
  • The “EOT Dilemma” is real and it applies to Me
  • Live in Bull Shit or don’t
  • If my reality and my bullshit are the same…I really need a major adjustment…and quickly

here’s a little BS for you………

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”

 

486. February 5th… “Distractions”…live tonight…7pm… Five Dollars buys you all you can carry.

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Ten” 2011

“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” – Albert Einstein

all of the Jesus photos undulating in the candle light movement…they all continued to stare…the same dead…peaceful gaze….. a pair of black fish net stockings had covered… some of them….they didn’t really care what I was doing….didn’t care if I was saved….or heading that direction…they were reminders….Wendy was only Wendy…I was only me…we were here for the same reason….just on different ends of the rope”…

another day of “hands in the air” living…while my quiet demon sings…”The Power of Lust“…repeatedly in my brain…maybe a new reminder…I don’t know…perhaps something I should pay a little more attention to…

Blaise Pascal wrote…. “All of man’s misfortune comes from one thing, which is not knowing how to sit quietly in a room”…and I agree…I especially like his ideas on diversion and our “Hopeless condition“…I chew them a great deal more than anything else…

distraction is that wonderful pulling force…that thing that may lead to water or not…yet takes us away from where we were…I mediate everyday…and initially…meditation was nothing more than closing my eyes…breathing deeply and basically thinking of everything I’d been thinking about when my eyes were open and I wasn’t breathing deeply…infused with distraction…thoughts that just couldn’t wait…sitting there breathing…trying to expand myself was futile it seemed…I mean what was the point…I could be driving and doing the exact same thing …right?

it was accumulative…like anything that we choose to make a part of ourselves…the more we do it the more it becomes a natural process…something that is part of the ritual…H.I. McDunnough…was really good at petty robbery of convenience store…surely because he practiced…while his distraction was the straight and narrow…raising a family…and a wife who was in law enforcement…he also knew the tools of his trade well enough to avoid the long sentences….

the inability to sit quietly in a room and distraction are like conjoined twins…because distraction is such an enormous force in life…it is difficult to separate the time for quiet and the time for dealing with a file folder of distraction…as we mostly live the distraction…

a nutritionist I know once told me to take one day out of the week and fast…just water…maybe diluted juice….to give my digestive system a vacation…from all of the business at hand…I did that for a few years and found I felt better…my system seemed to like the vacation and all was working well…between digestion and me… and it made sense…to take a break…

I’m finding that it is… “Time” again…for a vacation…from my distractions…it’s time for some new ones…that are a new delicacy…ones with different tastes and flavors…some that look like the bicycle I had when I was a kid….or that are different shades of blue…or smell like freesia…with the footwork of a good Tango…

“It is only at the first encounter that a face makes its full impression on us.” – Arthur Schopenhaur


 

420. September 27th….The Old Dogs….well…they’re the ones with all of the new tricks…..you just have to be willing to wait…awhile….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Old Dog, New Tricks” 2010

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

proving something may often not be the part of it all that really has anything that matters…once it has been revealed….the proof is much like a used tissue….it is the activity around the tissue prior too…..that took it from one thing to another…..and what matters is….it is……still a tissue…

proof is nothing more than a stationary rock in the water….while the decision to do something is the water flowing around the rock….moving past it in time….I think we really need to see what it is that has been proven…and maybe we have proven it too ourselves…or seen the proof else where…but once that light has been turned on…there really is no going back….unless of course you’re willing to knock yourself unconscious with a hammer every time something arises that tips conciousness over like a cup full of hot coffee….into your lap….

I proved some things to myself over the past few days….some are good….and some are not….the good ones…I’ll continue making my quilt with…..the ones that are not good….will need to be spit from my mouth…..and discarded…..and since I know them…and know them well….the disguise will never work…..nor will I accept that mode of thinking again….

what I found interesting is the….why…..part of good qualities as well as bad qualities….good qualities…seem to be effortless……they are the things I do without thought…that begin with a good intention…therefore produce a good result…and within the delivery is somewhat of an area that is of no concern….no fear…no thoughts of rejection or judgement….just a place….that real is real…and the recipient of the intent…..makes their choice…and that choice is equitable no matter what their decesion….it is about someone else……and every time I do that….I feel like I am stronger…more complete….more genuine….

on the flip side of that….the…why….of bad qualities are often disguised…they take work and preparation to install….and it might just be seconds to install but nevertheless…..the process often leads with anticipation….and expectations….wanting something before I’m willing to give something else up….really no desires…more demands that have been prepped to look like a desire….having attachment to the outcome……and wanting the recipient to either see it my way…or hear it my way….but either way it appears to be my way….when I do this…I am often afraid…fearful I will reveal my weakness….I am concerned about being judged….I am fragmented…and negative….incomplete and grasping for what I can hold….with little concern….of what I’m gripping….

I know my life is filled with opportunity and often these circumstances just bring open hands….and  a…..”It’s up to you” mentality…..but the more I chose the direction that works on making me a better me…..that becomes the process….of making the process less of a process….and more of a well lite space…..one that is easier to negotiate…full of more and full of less…..where the rocks are smooth…..and the trecherous…..is really only temporary…..and of a short time…..and everything is clean heart…clean…….

“With your magic…I think you just might charm the birds out of the sky” – Sade