518. April 30th…How getting there feels…these days….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

House for 2011 Albuquirky House Tour: Acrylic, aluminum, dice, domino and found object amber and silver hand

“Wishing to be a cowboy all the while
Yes, I was wishing to be a cowboy all the while” – Willis Alan Ramsey

I always wanted to be them…and that has stuck with me my entire life…I mean I didn’t really want to be them…just like them…and to my surprise…one day I was…each time I think of that I have to smile bigger than normal…those days were a dust devil…filled with great stuff spinning around…going any where…everywhere…nowhere…

I’d have to say…there’s room for good long exhales these days…not sighs…more… there it all is in 360 degrees…right there for the looking…and I am really good with all of that…makes me want to read more…write faster…paint during those sleeping hours…maybe even plant a flower garden this year…those roots I’ve always been reluctant to anchor…kind of have minds of their own…

I’ve heard…there’s really no such thing as normal… it appears to me like normal is one of those cow trails in the desert…a well beaten path to someplace that all of them are going…when I guess getting there could be just as easy next to the trail…or a few feet away…maybe in sight of it…at least it wouldn’t be the same constant scenery…small little differences that might just make the walk back a little more exciting…if exciting is part of the walk back…at all…

when I taught in San Jose and commuted  from the small beach community I lived in…I always thought the drive home was like a National Geographic special…about migration…the automobiles heading north towards the city were exactly like the migration of Wildebeests going where they were going…the perils were exactly the same as well…just disguised as CHIPS…deer and other motorists/wildebeests…the cars that broke down along the side of the road…were the old…weak and sick…drivers who were pulled over by the police were…picked from the safety of the herd…isolated and often left behind…while hitting one of the numerous deer crossing the road at night was the ever perilous river crossing…where as we’ve all seen…the crocodiles lie in wait…and if you are anything like me I start screaming at the wildebeests/television…”Look left you idiot…right there…now’s not the time to be drinking water“…then when they are snatched by a crocodile…I leap from my seat…and always ask the same question…”How did you not see that giant crocodile and not get that your buddies are getting grabbed all around you…how’s that possible?”…I gave names to the people who were pulled over…hit deer…and were broken down on the side of the road….said a little ualogy…and  bid them farewell until perhaps the next life….I know….but driving this drive for a few years…I had to find some way to entertain myself…and to contemplate “Normal”…and through my version of some National Geographic connection…it worked…and well….

being there when I was here has always been like looking for the prize in the box of cereal…I can’t usually wait for the prize to surface on its own…so…I’ve historically bent the box open and rooted around for the prize..amisdt the marshmallow surprise…and flakes of unknown origin…once secured…the prize too historically is hardly worth the effort…and now since I don’t eat cereal with prizes…I’d have to say here is by far much more manageable than…there…I would suggest to the cereal companies though….putting a really nice prize randomly in boxes of….”adult cereal“..just might be a real sales booster…imagine a gift certificate for say a Stihl  041 Farm Boss chain saw…or maybe…some really nice chopsticks and sushi dinner…or a gift certificate to an art store…or $100,000. that you as the recipient have to donate 50% to some charity of your choice…and you get to keep 50…anyway….

Willis Alan Ramsey….helped me a great deal…getting to that place of being just like them…I didn’t realize it until I was listening to him a few weeks ago…and like the olfactory phenomenon of scent…hearing music has the same effect on me…I was propelled to a place in East Texas…going to college…watching some  bands on the back of a flat-bed truck in a field…and the played  the song  Painted Lady …that was really all it took to get the gears moving….the direction somewhat set…Thanks Willis….and as a notable icon in Texas says:

“Onward through the fog” – Oat Willie

451. December 6th…Better than your own personal Jesus….Time Lines…what a wonderful stocking stuffer….and Oh so personalized…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Leaf” 2010

“Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie” -William Shakespeare

so now…I have to eat all of the stuff I bought yesterday…at Costco…that was the very first thought on my mind this morning when I awakened…it wasn’t troubling…more like a goal of sorts…and since my mind seems to take things a little further than perhaps they should go…I saw myself sitting down and eating everything I bought in one sitting….then I envisioned the other side of that..seeing how long I could make all of it last…could I be eating some of this stuff…next summer….that thought in all honesty repulsed me and I had to wash my hands about 6 times…

I could tell when I woke up…today…had a certain feel to it….one I am all too familiar with…it is sort of like having an eternal ticket to an amusement park….I have a few alter egos…and not surprisingly all of them decided to appear all within the same frame of thought…so…it has been a busy morning to say the least…and when these things happen…it’s like I have a few roommates…but the nice thing is…we all get along just fine…usually let the other guy say what they have to say…and then go on about our business….these alter egos will reappear throughout the day….say a few arbitrary things…maybe want to change my pin number…or demand I stop thinking I’m some sort of a…dominoe stacker…illusion maker or cake walker…and fundementally I can get through it all easily…but it is the price I pay….

I think it would be interesting to do two things in my life…not just 2….but 2 things I’d really like to do…I’d like to sit in a stadium with all of my relatives….past…present and future…there is something about seeing the knuckle walker part of the family…with the thick brows…and the neandrethal…mind set…not to mention the faction of kilt clad Scotsmen….the pretentious French with the lace handkerchiefs….and all of those people wearing overalls from Texas and Mississippi…the ones with initials for names….it would sort of be a family reunion on a giant scale….and in a stadium setting…it could really get out of hand…the other thing would be a physical time line…sort of like the eras in history…except with my milestones on it…you know things like…first…burp or fart…what I was really saying when I couldn’t speak…the first lie I ever told…the places in time that shaped me into the person I am today….all of the things that turned the screws a little tighter or loosened them up just enough…the things that made me not like Brussel sprouts…or why I run away when I smell Vicks Vapo Rub…or what made me think the way I did about certain things….and then there would be a photograph of me next to the date…with whatever happened…you know…like…”Robert…tastes lifeboy soap for the first time…after firing off the F-bomb“….or what event made food touching…tantomount to having my fingernails pulled out with rusty pliers…or the first bathing suit I never should have worn…or my favorite….why did I think I could dress myself…that first day of high school September 16th…1970…and there would be a photograph of me in a form-fitting pinkish lavender maroon shirt…thin striped black and white  bell bottom pants large enough to cover a medium-sized dog…and a litter of 12…wearing a pair of zip up boots that looked like I was some high-ranking Pilgram…official…based on the size of the buckle….not to mention the giant bronze medallion around my neck that could have been used as an anchor…..and the scent of Brut cologne coming from my prepubescent face…or worse/best…my Holiday Dance Club Photo Badge…April 6th…1971…unknown person standing behind me…major milestone or not….but I do know the Holiday Dance Club could have easily turned me into a serial killer….so I’m hoping you get the picture…

I seem to have some extra time on my hands today…or at least it appears that way…so….perhaps I will start on the logistics of the rather arduous undertaking…and I have to say…with the help of my “Roommates” this really shouldn’t be that difficult….at least we have enough food…and imagination…I think to pull this off…they agree….

“In everything one thing is impossible: rationality.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

438. November 16th…Multi-Dimensional thinking…maybe….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Someday, Looking West” 2010

“Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.” – Ambrose Bierce

I heard Kinky Friedman for the first time in the early 1970’s…he was the lead for a band named…Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jew Boys….they were an elaborate band of very Jewish cowboys…that took the western wear ensemble far over the top…sheep skin chaps…loud checkered shirts….enormous 1920’s cowboy hats and boots that were so colorful they were blinding…my all time two favorite songs by the band were…”They’re not making Jews like Jesus anymore”…and….”The Ballad of Charles Joseph Whitman”….both songs that seemed to say a great deal about a great deal….Kinky Friedman had a run for governor of Texas…yet his history probably had something to do with his failure at that attempt….after all….he isn’t Ronald Reagan or the Governator….and Texas isn’t California…

I guess there are a lot of things that are not a lot of things and how that affects the possibilities of each of those things….seems pretty amazing to me…so I began thinking of fate and destiny…and the predetermination of life…then I thought of complete self direction…total disregard to any beacon of familiarity or conformity….then the blend of both….perhaps taking what is best from both worlds to find some of the answers…to make it all seem cohesive and workable…then I asked…”can I do that?”….I mean are the philosophical police going to be kicking down my door in some….multiple manner just to show the diversity of belief….to sit me under the light and question my rationale and the…”Why” I am not conforming  exclusively to the rule books of Existentialism…Fatalism…Humanism….and the like….is there a bylaw I perhaps missed or read over….and if indeed there is….what happens next….am I kicked out of the Existentialist talk group on Saturday…at whatever time I decide to show…up…

it really got me thinking….why can’t anyone blend anything they want to make it work for them….make up your own story that lets you sleep safely at night…and walk everyday with happiness and joy in your life knowing you’ve decided that God… Shiva…Betty Davis and Pedi the dog from the Little Rascals…are ruling the world…and Karma is strongest on Thursdays…and there is no Karma on every third Saturday….and that your heaven does exists…and it’s an all you can eat buffet where you never get full…and the desert bar is bigger than a K-Mart….and there is a hell….and it’s a roommate that moves in for a little while until you get it back on track…and start telling yourself the truth….and then they leave….for someone elses house…(that just might be that guys heaven…is to travel)…and so you’ve decide your dogma and doctrine for the month is this scenario…and maybe next moth you want to include pizza…and topless dancers….well you can do that…and the only rule is you have to write down the new rules…scratch out the old ones…and maybe throw some dirt in 4 directions….eat a few cocktail olives…say hello to 6 people you’ve never met…think about adopting a pet from the local humane shelter….and nail a small nail into a piece of wood…and when you wake up the next day…..that new stuff….is real….

and you can change it anytime you want…

“No simplicity of mind, no obscurity of station, can escape the universal duty of questioning all that we believe.” William Kingdon Clifford