March 4, 2018…What’s in a Fortune Anyway…

From the MInd of the Manic, Thoughts from the "Tinman"

 

“My Favorite Bunnies” ©2018

“You are only as strong as the alcohol you drink, the tables you dance on, and the friends that hold you together” 

I had lunch with a friend of mine some months ago in Calistoga California at the only Chinese restaurant in town. In typical, commercial, Chinese restaurant fashion, two cellophane wrapped fortune cookies appeared along with the check.

I will admit, when the fortune cookies arrive, something comes over me, (some of you do this too, just differently, and it is OK). I become over the top superstitious, count to 6, three times…tap my left foot a few times, blink twice, wave my hand over each cookie, hoping to feel the magic and juju I so associate with fortune cookies. I mean for God’s sake, they are, “FORTUNE”, cookies…I make major decisions based on what’s wrapped up in that tiny stale, sometimes spongy treasure chest…part of my superstition is being the last to take the remaining little pillow of fate…at least that way I know destiny has clearly chosen me by the process of elimination and what awaits, I follow like the Boy Scout motto…

I do have an out though if the fortune really sucks, I don’t eat any of the cookie, that way the fortune is null and void…whew!! The most memorable fortune I’ve ever had in my life created this null and void ritual… here goes:

“You will have a very unusual operation”

So with great anticipation, my friend made his choice, cracked it open and read his fortune…it was something about straight lines and life, had no relevance what so ever, so he said…I’ve yet to check with him though…I quivered with anticipation as I cracked open the vault of whatever fortune cookies are made of, and there on a slender piece of paper my fate awaited me…

In all seriousness, it was the most profound fortunes I’ve received, I look at it every day, and see how it works for me…not to mention, I’ve memorized the Chinese word on the back of the fortune, “Busy”,  Mang or Fan, depending of course….

Here’s what I’m listening to as I write this, I hope you enjoy it….

Hope your fortune comes true…

“The truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth’, and so it goes away”

An M2 Bradley $3,1Million….Annual Corporate Tax Breaks $180 Billion….The Truth…Priceless…

Political Ravings without the Explosions...

natural born.72

“UnNatural Born Killers” ©2011 Robert Redus

“Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying!”

so here we sit…waiting for Tomahawk Cruise missiles to find their way to Syria…at the demand of another corporate figure we call Mr. President…this year I finally “got” all of the hoopla around politics…and never before has it been as clear as it is today…clear like that of the business end of a magnifying glass…..

in 1974 while a senior in high school…a mandatory class…was Government…a study of all of the workings and laborious structure our forefathers put together so I….Robert R…could walk freely about…pretty much do what I want…be who I wanted to be…and say what I want to say…within reason…unfortunately…I believed in the system of government….thought that my best interests were held in some locked vault…tucked nicely into a large manila envelope that read…”Freedom. Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness…ALWAYS”

All during my  preteen years and until I was 18 we were embroiled in a war with the Dirty Communist Bastards over in SE Asia…who were using the small country of Vietnam as a stepping stone for eventual world domination and if we didn’t continue the pursuit of these Red Devils…we soon would be calling each other Comrade Benjamin  and Comrade Marsha…so when Saigon fell, the iconic photograph of helicopters being pushed from the decks of  aircraft carriers and people boarding the last flight out from a rooftop…not to mention some 58,000+ US troops killed…we said so long…regrouped…revamped…replayed and have been repeating  the exact same thing since 1970 something….the cast of characters has changed…with the exception of ourselves…our fears have been ethnic cleansing, ruthless South American and Central American Dictators, people who believe in a prophet named Allah instead of Jesus (imagine that)…religious extremists…every country in the Middle East except Israel….Dictators who we funded, provided with weapons…money…various WMD’s…and probably paid for some really elaborate dinners too…so really nothing has changed…We have had politicians lie to us about everything we need/must do to protect us against something evil out there that is threatening our way…yet when we…the US want to threaten how other people live…we use democracy…fairness…freedom and liberty as the proof…then point to ourselves as the example….

Did you ever ask someone to go steady…but did it through a friend…it kind of went like this:

“Hi Suzy Cream Cheese, I’m Tad the Make Out Guy….my friend over there in the red shirt staring at us…well…he really likes you and wants to know if you like him”…SC responds…” he’s really cute…and Yes I do like him”….”Great, well his name is Shy Marvin and he wants to know if you’d like to go steady/out/hook up with him” She replies…”Yes….I’d like that, but I have to wait until tomorrow”….yet in the back of her mind she is still hoping that her advocate Jane Doe Smith is working her magic on a particular Luscious Rick….Tad the Make Out Guy then returns to where Shy Marvin is waiting with anticiiipaaation….Shares the terms and  maybe an introduction some ground looking and the tango begins…designed by the nature of age…experience…wisdom and the overwhelming weight of stupidity to fail miserably within a few days…a couple of weeks at best….with significant….collateal damage….

Well that is a round about definition of a “Proxy War”….we can be Tad the Make Out Guy…or Jane Doe Smith….and we can work our magic on anybody that needs magic…like fork bending at a restaurant for….free desserts….that always ends in a…”How’d you do that?”

so…my realization is really not that earth shattering…nor is it going to make things any different…except the way I see how our system works and just maybe…will help you stop yelling at the television or placing any blame on those “WE THE PEOPLE….Elected”…because it doesn’t matter….the people we elected just happen to be the CEO’s of the corporations…they answer to the Board of Directors…which happen to be companies like say…Monsanto…Boeing….Goldman Sachs….etc… and the responsibility of said CEO’s is 1. maximize profits and 2. maximize value for its shareholders.  If you like me happen to be neither of those….maximization doesn’t sound like an appealing avenue of pursuit…..

Political Parties are one thing…they are corporations:

The Democratic Party Inc. -VS- The Republican Party Inc.

Here is a nifty LLC corporate structure that surprisingly has a governmental aroma to it:

LLC-structure-copy1

Just play with changing the names…and it will make a great deal of sense…then….

I don’t know about you…I just want honesty in our political system…I mean hey if you want to impose sanctions on a country because the truth is the president of that country slept with your wife and cheated you out of a few hundred thousand dollars during a weekend of debauchery, gambling and perhaps some illicit activities…..in some secret place…..and your pissed about it….tell us the truth…we might agree with you…

so in the infamous words of George W:

“Free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.”

and Jerry Jeff Walker:

“Think about it darlin”

January 13, 2013. You want to be Miss America…stand in line….How to Develop good PC “ism’s” and Gray is the new Kinky…

From the MInd of the Manic
Negative Space, ©2012 Robert Redus

Negative Space, ©2012 Robert Redus

“Lust’s passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes.”

With all that has happened….killings, shootings, guns, portraits of the Duchess, Miss New York winning the Miss America contest…Tactical Response CEO, James “I’m Back Pedaling” Yeager  and his I’m going to start killing people rant, not to mention the ongoing Lady Gaga, Kelly Osbourne feud…….it is no surprise there is a little caution on the streets of the world…..so how’d we get here…

We got here by millions of….ISM’s…that’s right…add ISM to any word and you now have created “The act, state, or theory of” that word….so this morning I cooked a little Jimmy Dean Sage Sausage…with eggs…called it “Breakfast”….now if I add ism to breakfast…I have created the act and basic fundamentals,  philosophy, life style, cannons, beliefs, doctrines, directions, cans and can nots, do and don’ts, religious beliefs, theories, and all that goes with the structure and fundamental  Right for  “Breakfastism” to be accepted, respected and used as my method of defining who I am and what I believe and more so to EXIST and not be infringed upon…..I’ve also in just a short period of time added “ism” to much of what I’ve done today already and they are:

  • Bathroomism
  • Eliminationism
  • Dental Hygieneism
  • Coffeeism

so I trust you can see where this is going….truly the problem is not exclusively the “ism” idea…it is a combination of ISM Ideology and Freedom….give somebody enough free time, reasonable gray matter, something to write with and on, and don’t scare them or intimidate them, you have the making of a true…..“I can say. do, be, infringe on you because I can say, do, be, infringe on anybody I want at any time I want kind of personality development program”  I guess that could be call “Personalism”…..or better “Meism”….my personal favorite…..“Notyouism” but I believe the vernacular is Narcissism….

So many of us have taken on the philosophy of “Demandism” or the ever popular “Idontcarewhatyouthinkism” and as long as these ism’s are at the forefront of operations, we have a major problem brewing and ready to explode.

Here’s the solution:

  • We all have to wear gray clothes for a year
  • We can own nothing for a year, (except 7 changes of gray clothes)
  • We live in a compound with nothing but a bed, 3 meals a day, a shower and a thousand people just like us
  • We share all of the work
  • We grow more food than we can eat, and give the rest away to the community
  • We exploit our skills, whatever they may be intellectual, medical, tangible, service, whatever…..and always give the end result away once a week
  • Everything we do for 1 years time we donate
  • We teach people what we know who want to learn, for free. We have to teach 3 classes each week for free.
  • We have a tutoring program for children and adults
  • We have dances and parties every second Friday from dusk till dawn, and we teach dance lessons, (hopefully the Merengue and the Samba)
  • We help people start businesses and consult for their businesses.
  • We develop The act, state, or theory of  “Giveism”, “Donatemytimeism”, “Selflessism”

Now before you call me a socialist or a communist….think of the things in your past you condemned before trying….say like certain vegetables,  sexual positions, putting on the Donald Duck mask and the diving flippers wrapping yourself  in Saran Wrap and chasing the little lady around the house with a spray bottle filled with Kama Sutra oil…or not…but my point is “try before you defy”….Nice…Robert….and right off the cuff too….

nevertheless….a year is a short amount of time to realize that maybe what you think now…is A Okay for now…but as I recently discovered….the world ain’t built for people my age….it really revolves around those in their 20’s and 30’s….the rest of us are either in the middle of the herd getting protected from the outside or we’re on the outside…slowing the herd down…

So rant about your freedoms being encroached upon…but ask your what have I done to ensure freedom applies to everyone…it isn’t just living here…or being here it’s back to the gray clothes thing…I know, I know, but you know a study was done with 100 people…each given $100.00, 50 people were instructed to spend it on themselves while the other 50 were told to spend it/give it to someone else. Each group had their happiness measured ….and in the infamous words of Gomer Pyle USMC…..

The group who gave the money away were far happier than those who spent it on themselves……so maybe Miss New York…just might want to think about giving her Miss America title with crown and sash, (no strings attached) to Tactical Response CEO James Yeager…and Mr. Yeager in return might give his time to someone who is exactly the opposite person….he is……

“I have no intention of telling people what I have for breakfast.” – Princess Margaret

(Founder of the Antisharingbreakfastism movement)

588. January 22, 2012…Visibility… a few miles…maybe a few feet…

Writings from the "Cuff'

"When I Thought I was Lou Reed" ©2012, Robert Redus

“Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head.” – Chuck Palahniuk

I’ve not been reading that much lately…really not at all to speak of and I think it is because my magic carpet has been temporarily grounded…in for a few minor repairs…and small adjustments…and very soon..I will again be airborne….

the obvious is often not there in the lens…not because it is not…really there…it’s just not visible…you know sort of returning to dot…i’s and cross t’s…as what really is important is the penmanship…the grammatical construction and the punctuation…rather than the true gristle and meat of the sentence…paragraph…words…it becomes filling a void…only because a void is there…and because it’s a void…it clearly needs filling…

I knew a kid that had a scar across his left eyebrow from his brother’s inaccurate golf club swing…or rather….he was standing to close to the recoil…but either way it was a clear path of eybrowless…rippled patch…bisecting his eyebrow…it was brilliant…a real ice breaker and conversation piece…something he would have for a lifetime…I always talked to the white hairless patch of skin…which I’m sure most everybody did…there were a few dots from the stitches themselves…a raised rather larvae looking scar…with small little rib like discolored skin going across that…I’m certain under a magnifying glass it was a completely other world down there…the impact of the wood…fattened his brow a bit so it appeared his eye was considerably smaller than the other eye…many years later it looked like the golf swing event had happened just a few days before…I never could figure out why years later it looked just as bad as the day the stitches were removed…he seemed to have held on to the scar…was all I could think…

I awakened the other morning to these words… “wash your face“…where they came from…what they meant or what I was supposed to do with them was a mystery to me…at first I thought someone was in my room…talking to me…I then thought maybe it was divine intervention…a message from the afterworld…..or perhaps the cat coughing up a hair ball…I’ve washed my face  a few times since then…nothing miraculous occurred each time…then I got it….

I lived in a small beach community in Northern California…the entry to my house was a  glass sliding door covered by a wooden carport….each morning I would fill a large bowl with water…set it on the porch rail…I’d walk past the entrance to the carport look to my left and there was the Pacific ocean a few hundred yards away….straight in front of me was a long abandoned military installation…just the concrete foundations remained…they were over grown with a myriad of colored flowers…I’d pick a few flowers and return to the carport….where I would set the flowers down…and wash my face in the cold water from the bowl…I’d then float the flowers in the water…sit for a few moments and take every bit of it in….it always worked….

as a child….I always wanted stitches….

“Hold me in your arms, lava lamp! Let me seek magma comfort and peace in the warmth of your kryptonite embrace.” – Isabel Yosito

565. September 21,

Art and my thoughts about being an artist

"About 2 Feet" ©robert redus 2011

 “We have art in order not to die of the truth.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

I read 7 about art blogs each morning…all of them initially began with some small interesting piece that captured my attention for a brief moment…enough so that I subscribed to them…hopefully thinking that the… “Interesting” was a constant…something I could grab on to and help push the career forward…none have yet to produce that…not the career moving forward sensation…but remaining interesting…

all of them have turned into used car salesmen…wanting me to subscribe to their monthly secrets for real success…the ones that cost only $20.00 per month…and will move me from here to there…transform my art career in as little as thirty days…the secrets that have been recently discovered in some remote cave…near the Dead Sea…you know…the “Real” secrets…their secrets…

and for as much as I can get what they are doing and why they are doing it…there is the same disconnect I have at a movie theater…after spending some time watching a bad movie…I want some revolutionary event to occur…a “Satisfaction booth” partially blocking the exit…where I am asked how I like the movie on a scale of 1-10…and am refunded a percentage of everything less than 10…

now it takes the exact same integrity to offer the booth as it does to use it…as we know every movie to some might be a 3…thus 70% of their money would be refunded…while others would tell the truth…and some movies they get back while others…they give it all away…

I’m bit cynical these days…”former/previous artists” that are trying to help other artists gain success for a price…probably aren’t selling their own work…and the natural course of events is to be a “consultant”…or perhaps a “coach”…which of course means you don’t have to sell any work…or make any work for that matter…

Believability: “to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.”

“Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up.” – Donald Rumsfeld

557. August 4…Reality beat out Intention…soundly today….but it was on the rocks with a twist of lime…an umbrella and a few cherries…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Aftermath of the ‘Battle of Wits”” ©2011 Robert Redus

“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

the notion of intention against the backdrop of reality…or vice versa….superimposed or transparent matters little…as the intention has one stab while the reality another….true with people…events….ideas and very much so with producing art…

what intended to be a wonderfully productive day in the studio…did not at all become that reality…rather…a day of questions and answers…reflections…dialogues..inserting…mundane and irrelevant topics in between slices of highly processed white bread to discover that…what I know…I know to be what…I know….. unavoidably a topic of historical dissertation…languish…enlightenment and…silent revelation…no doubt…

yet the unsolicited….still barks at the gate…while the rest of the pack has lost interest and slumbers snuggly in their dens….dreaming again of the chase…and the fall air crisp at the nostril….

so the paint never left the tube today…the solder did not run…..a lengthy way of getting here…from there…and as a painter…it is perfectly alright…to spend this day…pursuing the reality rather than the…intention…and yet

my accomplishments today were…

great….

“Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.” – Evan Davis

547. July 13…It’s not WHAT you step on it’s HOW you step on it…Some of what I encountered…this morning

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage – he won’t encounter many rivals.” – George C. Lichtenberg

here are some photographs of some of the things I encountered this morning while walking…I wonder where they came from…how they got there…who did it and why we crossed paths….I usually whistle while I’m walking…

I thought a great deal about… “The Rules” ….while putting left in front of right many times this morning and came to find…most are not really worth a great deal…seem to occupy more time than they offer results….keeps my teeth a bit to tight together…so I decided I’m getting rid of these rules…gonna put some new ones in place….ones that smell like freesia and look a little more like Drew Barrymore…

“I asked Dalai Lama the most important question that I think you could ask – if he had ever seen Caddyshack.” – Jesse “The Body” Ventura

546. July 11…we have about 500 million breaths in a lifetime…I’m making sure it’s… “In goes the good air…out goes the bad”…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Another Man’s Poison” ©2011, Robert Redus

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.” – Paulo Coelho

There is always a first time…that is what I have forgotten…some days…and is something I have been in the habit of reminding myself of when I look for what could be the first time for something new…even though I have experienced something similar…

I painted 3 small paintings in T or C yesterday after a walk and some picture taking early in the morning…those three paintings were born of sorts… “there”…not any place else and everything around me…all that had influenced me right then…right there…was what made those paintings become what they did…their birth certificates read…”Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, 7/10/11…and that was the very first time for those paintings…that can never be different than what it is…

     

Perhaps… “Firsts”…are like the number of breaths in a lifetime…definable…but in a weird way…the average respiratory rate reported in a healthy adult at rest is usually 12 breaths per minute…that’s about 504,576,000 breaths….if you live to 80 years old….thinking of it this way makes the number of possible …“Firsts”…in a lifetime….a huge event…or huge events…depending on the choice of one a or a few hundred thousand… “firsts”…

Everything too…either does…or does not….I guess knowing that…I question the reasoning for the constant desire to experience the same things…when knowing that if it does not…stop…and if it does…continue until it either 1. stops doing  or 2. it still is doing but you don’t want to do it anymore…I’m certain it is consistency and familiarity that has a great deal to do with the repetition of a process…

yet what I’m hearing is just the opposite from those who have lived lives of consistency and are now staring at some obstacle there directly in front of them…that is now preaching a different method for an outcome that just might be that “Answer” they’d been looking for over the entirety of their life…and reflection has been the tool that illustrates the flaw to where they have been…not where they are going…and now the breaths are getting shorter in amount and time is becoming more valuable…the actions are more calculated…and deliberate…and what really matters is doing what really matters…

so I guess what matters is if what each of us is doing is what fills us each day then… halleluiah…but if it only fills it up part ways….it might be time to try something again for the….first time….

500. March 4th… “The following statement is true….The preceding statement is false””….oh and “Every man is a liar”…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“The bed was comfortable…but the room service sucked” 2011

“The refusal to rest content, the willingness to risk excess on behalf of one’s obsessions, is what distinguishes artists from entertainers, and what makes some artists adventurers on behalf of us all.” – John Updike

I rented a car last night for a trip I am taking…to my surprise…the taxes…destination fees…miscellaenious handleing costs…airport security blah blahs and a few other tacked on expenses…turned a 12.00 one day rental car into 43.00 a day rental car…and that’s without any of their insurance….something about this whole scenario smells rotten…

how is it…the cost of something is initially almost 4 times cheaper than all of the “Extras” …well of course it’s to make sure everybody gets theirs…I grew up on the border….and I recall the whole “mordita”…..”little bite”….mentality…it.always seemed so middle of nowhere…dusty road type antics…some bribe that had to be paid to get from point A to point B…..I recall as a small child…traveling in Mexico….at every check point…my father handed the checkpoint guard…a pack of lucky strikes…and two folded 1 dollar bills….and off we went onto the next one…and we Northerners can only say how…barbaric….and primative…they are…

we are in the age of as Donald Rumsfeld said…”Disinformation”….and boy he couldn’t have been more accurate….we (the public)…are given information…we either nod our heads and say….”those sons of bitches”…or respond with…”that doesn’t sound right”….yet very little is done to either deny or confirm something that has been lost in our system…”THE TRUTH”….

yesterday while at a coffee…shop…I asked the young people behind the counter why we went to war…in Iraq…only one person said…..”Weapons of Mass Destruction”…then I asked why we are at war with Afghanistan…”I don’t know” was the unanimous response…finally I asked what country were the “terrorists”… that destroyed the world trade centers from…unanimously they said Pakistan….one person felt uncomfortable giving her “opinion”…there are still people out there that believe that Iraqis were the 9-11 “terrorists”….and don’t know the “terrorists” were largely Saudis…our number 3 supplier of crude oil….

I’ve come to the conclusion that…that most people don’t know why anything has happened other than what they have been told…by somebody that sounds convincing….says things like “Unknown knowns and known knowns”….you know stuff that sounds like a riddle or the information looks like a press conference…and there are furrowed brows questions from people who look like they can ask “good” questions……tons of head nodding…and of course nice expensive suits….good job Don….

we are in the midst of another “Oil Crisis”…of course we are…and Libya is getting the finger pointed at them…in any more ways than one…as the culprit for our rising gas prices….($3.35/gal.here in NM)…and many people are saying…”Those sons of bitches”….here is a great site…Crude Oil and Total Petroleum Imports Top 15 Countries….surprisingly…Libya isn’t mentioned at all….the top two countries giving us oil are our Canadian neighbors to the North…and the Mordita grabbing ones to the south…hmmmmm…disinformation????

we as a system….have lost our ability…for the truth…or maybe we never had any to begin with….and we just kept it hidden until we didn’t want hide it any longer…I think it’s a lot like a dating site…there are those that send the recent pictures and tell their real age…the truth about themselves…while there are those that don’t and will deal with the tidal wave when they have to…I mean come on what’s ten years….a few pounds…a bachelors degree is only 2 years away from a masters degree…and once you get to know me….my bag of deception will seem insignificant…compared to my stellar…personality…these type of people are hoping we will forget…and get past the deception…at some point because after all…everything is deceptive…we’ve just become accustom to it…and are living our lives around it….I think that might be called denial….

there is an extremely sharp point of perception at the moment of delivery…of anything….people believe all kinds of things…take them and twist them into something that works for them…or worse…they know “Someone” who really knows….”Kalopsia” – fundamentally  is like a bar at 1:30 am…everybody is getting better looking…

Kalopsia-  “The delusion of things being more beautiful than they are”…this idea is a virus among the art community…which is a small yet significant microcosm of the global picture….after all…art is the only real way we can know anything about anything…especially when the voices are silenced…well as long as it’s good art….but delusion and disinformation make the art community as two left footed as the place we we call home….

combine kalopsia with selective amnesia…(amnesia about particular events that is very convenient for the person who cannot remember)  and I’d have to say….

things are looking pretty good…and as far as I can remember…they always have…damn!!!! it’s good to be alive…..

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” – Albert Schweitzer

446. November 27th…”The Act of God”…rule…I don’t think it applies to Pizza Delivery….

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

“Nightfly” 2010

“It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and the Cross of the Legion of Honor.” – Andre Gide

yesterday reminded me of the frenzy I’d spent when I owned a jewelry manufacturing business…finishing the final touches before shipping…polishing…bagging everything…inventory numbers…finally printing the sold inventory and off to the post office for the finale….one which has had me thinking since then…

the postal employee I happen to get by chance…always…. is rather disgruntal…very dissatisfied with his job…and strikes me as one of those people who would be unhappy no matter what the scenario…he has always complained when I go to his station…is abrupt…and sort of has this sense of power he wields over the postal patron…by following the verbal routine he has since he was a pup in the postal litter…but it is his job…and even if going to him is like a returning something to Wal-Mart the day after Christmas…he does know his stuff…

I wanted the box I was shipping to be delivered by today to Boulder Colorado…in other words…”Express Mail”…which I found out means really nothing other than a way of saying…”it is the faster method of guaranteed overnight delivery that the postal service does not guarantee”…..me being me…had a little trouble with the non-guaranteed….guarantee…..and as I reluctantly used the can opener to open this particular can of worms…the postal employee began telling me the historical…precedent that the USPS adopted based on the protocol of Federal Express and UPS…once that had been explained in excruciating detail…we moved on to insurance….”Yes” was my answer…”For 1200.00 dollars”…..this now opened the benefits of insurance based on those who mailed boxes that were insured during 9-11…and how the postal service had made it right by paying for all of those lost and destroyed boxes…the conversation now I thought was winding down…Nope…rather we were moving into his particular conspiracy theory about what was behind 9-11…he would look left then right…say something a bit subversive…back it up with some facts from popular mechanics…readers digest….or the more prestigious “Time” the magazine…he stopped…returned to his postal presence and asked if I needed stamps…and ask me to slide my debt card….I did…and made the error of saying..” this is a guaranteed Saturday delivery…right?”….Wrong…remember the UPS/Fed X conversation….

we now delved into the….”Reason” it could not be guaranteed….it is called:

“An Act of God”

something I didn’t realize was so influential in our postal system…an act of God is:

Act of God is a legal term for events outside of human control, such as sudden floods or other natural disasters, for which no one can be held responsible.

this got me very concerned….and my concern greatly hinged on the definition of….”Natural Disaster” and even more stuff….and exactly what is it…does it apply to elements that are man-made and affected by nature…or just exclusively natural occurring things….once solved to some comfortable degree…I couldn’t help say..”What if I don’t believe in God…how can an ‘Act of God’ then exist”…”I mean what if I believed in Buddha”….how does that change things around …his response was….” it only has to do with God….do you want cash back?”….

I suppose I could have argued this…ad infinitum yet the idea of the debate with a postal employee would have probably produced a supervisor…who in-turn would have given me an 800 number to call….and probably a form to fill out…while they were running a back ground check on me from the still photos they had taken…and were now planning a mail campaign that ensured I received nothing but Burpee Seed Catalogs…was enrolled in every mail order correspondence and taxidermy course available…all of the “Draw Bambi” art school programs….well you get what I mean…

this led me to realize…that Acts of God work both ways….I’m using this as the excuse  the next time I can’t make it to someone’s kids birthday party or graduation….”Sorry Milton…I really tried to get there but an….Act of God….happened”….that really should be enough…you know…really no further explanation…..oh and hey…Pizza Hut Delivery….don’t even think about that one….

“The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.” – Alan Coren