I Gotta Testify…..

From the MInd of the Manic

"My Little Gunner"©2013 Robert Redus

“My Little Gunner”©2013 Robert Redus

“You know, lieutenant, you wear your weapon the way other women wear pearls.”

All couples have songs….my sweety and I are no different…we just have a kind of…”Different” song…we sing to one another….Ours happens to be a 1940’s classic by none other than…you bethcha…..Vaughn Monroe…and I’m sharing it…well because I’m sort of testifying…

I’m 57 this year…that is a monumental accomplishment for people who die in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and less than 57’s…I mean…I realize getting to a particular age is only an accomplishment if….the process of getting there was like pulling your fingernails out with…rusty pliers…or holding your breath for more than 3 minutes in 66 degree water…but nevertheless…getting to this place in my life has been interesting…I’ll just leave it at that…

What I’ve really learned along the way are some pretty powerful things…and things that sure some of you are going to probably say… “I already knew that, and that one…oh and that one, who doesn’t know that” …and if that is the case…perhaps closing the pie hole…turning on the television and praying for a few reruns of Magnum PI will be better for you than reading this blog……I’ll wait…..

I’ve discovered through these…almost 57 years…2 of the most important things…I have been working with…that’s correct…TWO  and only 2…but I’ll get there in a bit…

So today the world has…lost some  people…gained some people…has seen some good decisions…some bad decisions..seen some stuff that some people have said… “Hell yes”…while others have said…”You’ve got to be kidding, how’d that happen”…some people smiled more than before…while others grimmiced…like never before…some people were cured from diseases…and still others got diseases…for everything that happened today…there are those who thought it was great while others thought it was the worst…people excelled…people declined…peopled walked…people lost the ability to walk…some could see…others could not…some were…born…killed…celebrated birthdays…circumcised…beaten…lost their virginity…ate something new for the first time…fell in love…learned to hate…saw the same…defined differences…were afraid…triumphant…were constipated and had raging diarrhea…and it’s all going to happen exactly the same way tomorrow…and the following day and long past anything you will ever be…that being said…

it makes you want to say:

and the answer is…there is not a thing you or I or anyone can do about this ceespool…call me complacent…cynical…even misguided…but really….whatchu talking about….how you gonna change this…pray… march against everything….pay off your congressman…form a big Sub Chapter S corporation…sponsor a children’s beauty contest…wear argyle socks….there is nothing…nada…zip…that you or I can do about it…so my little pretties…here are the 2 most important things

El primero:

You can always get other people to believe your bullshit…almost all of the time

and Numero dos:

Never, ever believe your own bullshit any of the time

Where we are…well is where we are….we didn’t get here by accident…so if it’s the….second coming…global warming…or all of the pancakes you can eat special at Denny’s on Friday night…get your bullshit out there….get them believing it…and find a special song that means something for God’s sake….something that will get you off your ass and up….Testifying…

oh…and if you can’t figure it out…fall in love with it…..

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

534. June 6….Pearl divers can hold their breath for 3-5 minutes…Black bears can sleep for up to 100 days…Me…all I want are answers that don’t ask me to… “Ask again later”…

Thoughts from the "Tinman"

” Kind of Missed the Rapture by That Much” 2011

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.” – Emo Philips

I used to frequent a bar called…”The Dutchman’s Lounge“…it was a neighborhood place run by an old drunk named Frank…he wore his pants really high…had a bright red nose from many years of drinking…it was the greatest place on the planet…to learn how to drink…shoot pool…they served a burger and fries…and pitchers of really cold beer…my best friend Diaz and I would play…”Partners…A Buck a Stick”…against the “old-timers“…usually Frank and Judd…they’d forgotten more about bar room 8 ball…then we’d ever know…you could rest your cigarette on the edge of the table..and the small round bar tables were a perfect fit…there next to the pool table…there was always something special about beating…the old-timers…it always came down to a race for the 8…the first person on the 8 ball was going to win the game…that was real all of the time…when we’d win…we’d shake hands with each other..first…then the losers…they’d want to play again…try and win their “Buck” back…we were gaining a rep…working our way up to being them…some day…

I sometimes miss those days…they were harmless…I always thought of them…as somewhere in between the lines of living…that space that said….”This is you for right now…have fun“…I knew they’d end…and everything was going to be different…real different…they did…it was…but I still cherish…them…and when I think of them…I smile…and see ourselves as young colts out in the field…bucking and kicking up dirt…full of everything…knowing nothing….

the word “Ruminate” comes from the Latin word “ruminantem” “to chew the cud” and is  defined as…”to meditate or muse; ponder”…so  maybe it’s about the process of chewing that allows pondering to developto it’s fullest…most dense area of possibilities…

to paraphrase Deepak Chopra….when we do something…whatever that something might be…that is all we should be doing…not trying to do anything along with it…just it…as that action is the singularly most important action at that moment…by spending time in that moment the action becomes a much greater experience…more satisfying and a sense of connectedness…develops…this is something I really want to be good at…but as I’m typing…I’m eating…listening to music…and of course…doing laundry…because it’s Sunday…let me clarify something quickly…I really want to be good at this…and I work on it because I have felt that wonderful feeling of immersion many times in my life and it was due to being right there doing that thing I was engaged…immersed…wholey a part of….

I feel this has both sides of a coin sort of thinking though…the idea of being immersed in everything that feels right…sounds great…yet it also sounds like a diet of chocolate covered cherries…cinnimon toast…Count Chocula….maybe….chile fritos..and cosmopolitans….in really neat glasses….but there also the other side of it all…something about anger…unhappiness..dissapointment…those also need to be fully embraced…and swam in for a little longer than a toe dipping…immerse ourselves into the dark water so we can truly enjoy…the feelings of the light that come into out lives…by immersing ourselves in the uncomfortable…we find who and what we are…what we are capable of…and what we can think of….much like having a really good cold…by previous colds we know exactly what to do to move it along….but while locked in battle with the ailment…we can only embrace…immerse ourselves in the idea of…”Being the cold“….make it part of our trajectory…for a few days…maybe even buy it something nice like a gift certificate and card that reads….”thanks for the visit, you’ve change my life once again…but I won’t miss you when you’re gone”….

I was talking with a friend of mine about painting…we were both making suggestions to the other about what action(s) would cause significant enough change in each of our styles of painting to shift the direction ….I walked away knowing that in order to make the changes in my work I wanted to see…I needed to do 4 things…1). expand the box that I work from…2). step out of that box far more often than I do…..3). become more adventurous…..applying Deepak’s thinking to this desire…began making an enormous amount of sense…that all of these suggestions will work if I immerse myself in the process of doing them rather than just doing them….spend my time..energy and focus on each of these individually until I have change the original method by embracing/immersion of  an alternate process that is just at the end of my fingertips…oh and 4). grow longer fingers….

so rest assured…I turned off the radio…stopped eating…put the laundry on hold…and finished most of this blog completely immersed and uninterrupted…as I said early…I really want to get good at this…so I’m making T-shirts to wear…so when I am right in the middle of the contorting….mockingly genuflecting….and springing back with a somewhat of a stellar olympic dismount…I’ll be wearing a wonderfully tapered…form fitting…well designed t-shirt  that reads something like “Don’t bug me…I’m Immersed“…or “I’m pissed and don’t have time to explain why I’m wearing a speedo and diving into this water that appears dark“…or…”If you’ll wait just a few moments the benefits will certainly effect you…I promise, but if you don’t…see previous t-shirt saying“…and my favorite….”I’m in a crisis that requires I submerge my entirety…heart, soul, my total being, but I will emerged like a butterfly from the cocoon, just wait and see.”

nothing I’ve ever done well…I got right from the get go… there’s that whole skill set issue…that often appears to be nothing like what it really is…and I guess that whole Taoist idea of duality makes knowing I am an “old-timer” to some a “youngster” to others very palatable…and what matters more these days is not getting to the 8 ball first…rather asking the right questions…perfecting the precise method of shaking…and just hope it doesn’t say…”ask again later“….

“Initiative comes to thems that wait.” –  “Alexander the Large”